The Coffee Shop Caption Comps: From Out of the Rain

What is Ianto doing?

This month has been a little quiet on the Captions, with only a comment from me and one from a fan, it was decided that Ianto Tarrant should take the crown for this month with their Caption for why Ianto is holding the silver flask to his ear.

We hope you all get involved in next month’s captions for Adrift!

Well done Ianto Tarrant with this Caption:

“Okay, no phones?  Maybe someone left me a message in this bottle!”

The Coffee Shop A Day in the Death Caption Comp

Owen stares at the empty fridge – Caption This

Pauline Howard: “What no food, those bloody weevils have eaten it all!”

Project: Torchwood: That feeling you get when you shouldn't have allowed Joshua #ResidentWeevil to stay over...

Claudia Lindner: "Yeah, right, team, if you steal everything from my fridge just because I'm dead, you could at least have cleaned it, too."

Betty Dee: “Damn it, not even a can of cider left...”

Caroline Stolze: “I have to order Pizza. Last time it brought us Gwen…”

The Coffee Shop Caption Comps: Reset

Torchwood: Reset Caption Comps

This month we were planning to only post one Caption, but our choice held back some who couldn’t think beyond the gutter!!! So after much searching we found this little gem.  It was a tough decision to find the winner this month as everyone’s comments were brilliant. 

What do you think he is saying here?

Sue Whiteley:  It's this big.

Claudia Lindner: Jack: "Oh Time Lord, would you give me a Tardis-Benz, my friends all drive Tardis-Porches..."

Ianto Tarrant: Owen, a leather bird is not a goth chick, it's a pterodactyl.

~Tosh~: It was a lovely sunny day.  I was minding my own business when suddenly it went dark and when I looked up there was this beautiful leather clad.....

Betty Dee:  "Dear Lord, please make Gwen stop talking!"

However we did after a while receive a few funny comments from the Martha photo, so we felt we just had to post it up. 

What do you think she’s talking about here?

Ianto Tarrant: Ianto reckoned his was bigger by that much, something about tape measures?

Claudia Lindner: Martha: I'm a medic and I know you guys things can get this tiny when exposed to cold.  So I was really worried about the Doctor, when we once landed in an ice world, I can tell ya!"

Well done to the winners of this month’s Caption Comp.  If you want to join in, come LIKE our Facebook Page.

The Coffee Shop Caption Comps 'Adam'

What is Adam thinking as he stares at Gwen?

Betty Dee: Gwen thinks “Don’t stare at me – you’re creepy.”  While Adam wonders “Would she be up for a threesome with Tosh and me?”…

Claudia Lindner: Adam thinks “Judging by her memories, there’s nothing interesting at all going on in that woman’s private life.”

What did young Jack do to make his Mum cry?

Claudia Lindner: Mum: “What? You saw an ancient blue phone box standing on the beach and you didn’t fetch me?”

Betty Dee: Jack: “I failed my Math exam.”

~Jack~: Mom: What do you mean you recorded over The Great British Bake off?”

If you want to join in with our Caption comps, come Follow us on Facebook. 

The Coffee Shop Meat Caption Comp

What is Ianto thinking about as he stares at the Starwhale?

Project: Torchwood Ianto: Nope, definitely don't see that face you see in the wrinkled skin of this space cow, and you definitely won't convince me by pointing that water pistol at my right ear!

Top Comment

Betty Dee Ianto: "I doubt that rock climbing on this will work..." Man with the gun: "I don't care, get up there!"

Claudia Lindner Ianto: "Impressive...but I think I'll stay with the original Ianto shrine."

What had Jack and Gwen seen in the Hub that was just a little too much for Jack's strong stomach? Or was it something Ianto said?

Top Comment

Claudia Lindner Ianto:"There's a package delivery, for Torchwood. It's from an online shoe store. And it's huge!" Jack:"Who buys shoes under the name Torchwood????" Gwen: "Oops!"

Betty Dee Ianto says: "I burned the scrambled eggs - again..." And Gwen thinks: "Again? When will he ever learn?" While Jack and Tosh are both like "WHAT?!?!?"

The Coffee Shop Issue 20 Caption Comp 'To The Last Man'

Toshiko stares at Tommy in the Radiology room in St Teilo’s hospital...

Betty Dee:  "How could you do this to me?  Has everyone in Cardiff slept with Jack except me, Gwen and Owen?"

~Jack~  The 24hr Staring Competition is taking its toll on Toshiko

Betty Dee:  "I just wished I hadn't been so close to the onions while Ianto prepared lunch....It still stings in my eyes."

Ianto can’t take his eyes off Tommy as the team walk along the dimly lit corridor in St Teilo Hospital...

Betty Dee: Tommy thinks "Don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look at him!"  While Ianto thinks "If he looks at Jack the wrong way I might strangle him....!"

The Coffee Shop Caption Comps Sleeper

Caption This

Ianto in the mind probe chair

Claudia Lindner: "Wow, these massage chairs from the Lotus Nebula are a...ma...zinggggg..."

Morgana Raven Wolf:  "Oh yes, just there Jack."

Betty Dee:  "Oh my God, did I really just check out Owen's bum?"

Betty Dee: 'No way I'm ever going to try out this sex toy with Jack!'

Claudia Lindner Ianto: "whoa...Jack, when you said, "massage armchair", I didn't expect it to massage this region..whoa..."

Caption This

Jack points the Webley

Betty Dee: "You dared damaging that coat?  Ianto's gonna kill you!"

"ZombieAbaddon" Captain Jack Harkness decides that he can no longer bear to hear the Candy Crush Saga on Gwen's phone and decides to terminate the account once and for all...

Claudia Lindner:  "I'm serious, I really will shoot you if you play another Justin Bieber song!"

The Coffee Shop Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Caption Comps

What is Jack really thinking?

Annika Gabriella Brink: Know of any leprechaun who might be missing his piece?

Betty Dee "Do I really want to know where this might have been?"

Caption This.

Rachel Trowbridge Top: "You know, just because I shot at one of your friends and emotionally damaged the other doesn't mean you should act like this to me!"

Tosh:  John: “You can keep licking away that lip gloss until you're blue in the face sweetheart, it's not going away”

Lionel Whiteley Hey John, do us a favour kiss my Arse.

Annika Gabriella Brink: I have to say it really turns me on to see you handle that stick shift!

Kirsty Price: Whoa Cooper you drive like a spaz!

Betty Dee "Hey, did you win your driving licence in the lottery?"

The Coffee Shop Last of the Time Lords Caption Comp

Just what is that above Captain Jack’s head?

~Jack~: Martha stared at Jack with simmering jealousy. It wasn't right she felt that Jack was given the 'out of this world' remodulated perception filter hair dryer system when all she got from the Doctor was endless worry and a TARDIS key.

Rachel Trowbridge: It appears that Jack is enjoying the new invention of portable (and we mean really portable) showers.

Claudia Lindner: Obviously the Doctor, Martha and Jack were too busy checking out some hotties passing by on the Roald Dahl Plass, so they didn't notice the UFO landing on top of the Millennium Center...

What did the Doctor really say to Martha?

Nikki Forrest: "Embarrassing question, but can you get me my medication from the top cupboard? Don't tell anyone I asked you to though..."

Graham Hunter Mackenzie: I said I was immortal, not unaging!

~Jack~: "I need a wibbly wobbly timey wimey happy meal, with a toy, and a soft drink."

Claudia Lindner: "I'm sorry, I thought you knew Clearasil doesn't help with age marks, Martha."

Christine Hannah Liddle: Use the force

If you want to get involved in the Caption Comps in future, then be sure to check in to our Facebook Page in September. 

If you want to get involved in writing for us, drop a message to us by email or come and chat to us over on Twitter or Facebook.

Next month: Torchwood: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

The Coffee Shop Issue 16 The Sound of Drums Caption Comp

Through the Round Window

~Jack~ Martha senses her dinner won't last the spin cycle

Claudia Lindner: Jack: "Err...Doctor, what do you mean by 'washer-style'?"

Jordanne Waite: Doctor - Don’t I know you? Jack - Oh no put it away please or I’ll just stare. Martha - What on earth is this world coming to?

Rough Ride Through the Vortex

~Jack~: Never time travel after a spicy curry

Claudia Lindner "Ok, the Daily Fail is a shit paper, but I think we now verified it doesn't make it toilet paper".

Christine Hannah Liddle I don't think we read that position in the Karma sutra quite right

Loony Smith Thanks Gallifrey!!! We escaped the wrath of Jedward!!!

The Coffee Shop Caption Comp Utopia

Scared Jack

Christine Hannah Liddle – No don’t restore the last session on my internet.....NOOOOOO

Kirsty Price – Trying to hide from all the horny men when an alien artefact goes wrong.  Teach Jack to play with a love spell contained inside again.

Claudia Lindner Jack: "What? A Rhys & Gwen 'adult' home video? Oh, no, please no...nooooooooo!"

Tamie Wiggins – Don’t eat me, I don’t want to go out the other end again.  Oh god, I died of embarrassment three times the last time

Fiona Tuckfield – That’s what I look like in the mirror

 Pauline Howard – No please don’t eat me

Hungry Futurekind

~Jack~  Here’s Johnny

Christine Hannah Liddle – Aw it’s so cute, I just wanna cuddle him

Claudia Lindner Future creature: Piercings and tattoos are 20% off this week!

The Coffee Shop Caption Comp - End of Days

Exuberant Roman Soldier in Cells – What did he really say?

~Jack~ "A Big Mac with fries, a large coke and an apple turnover."

Claudia Lindner "Nothing to read? Shouldn't you at least have "De Bello Gallico?"

Karen Lannigan Sorry make that a diet coke.

Carol-Anne Hillman What will you send in next? The lions?

Abadon peers over the buildings

~Jack~ “Found you, now it’s my turn to hide.”

Jess Griffin early morning wake up call? no i didn't ask for an early morning wake up call!

Gary Gillespie Is there no Large toilets around here?

Carl Jones: where are the loom bands sold around here

Claudia Lindner "This is boring! Show me some bigger houses for me to step on!"

Diane Turner "Got my new cosplay together but then I couldn't afford CMMK grrrrr!"

The Coffee Shop Combat Caption Comps

Jack and Gwen in the multi storey car park

Claudia Lindner:  Jack: “Boy, that’s what happens if you feed a weevil after midnight?”

Rhiannon Cork New: We really should have kept John away from those poodles.

Betty Dee: Yes, of course we wanted Tosh and Owen to get it on – but did it have to be in a multi storey car park?  And why, oh why did they call us to witness it?  And where the hell is Ianto?

Rhiannon Cork New: And that’s why weevils wear boiler suits.

Jack with the weevil spray and the clamps

Betty Dee:  Hey, I didn’t mean it that way!  Of course we can have a romantic dinner and just cuddle on the sofa! Ianto?  Please, don’t walk away from me! IANTO!

Claudia Lindner:  “Told you, Ianto, these toys from that ‘Pimp your sex life’ online shop are SO old school!  Done that centuries ago!”

Betty Dee:  “Sorry, I must have taken the weevil spray instead of the lube.  Ah, come on Ianto, it was an honest mistake!  Can’t we still have fun?  You know...”

Rhiannon Cork New:  Ianto...2 words...lube and handcuffs, you up for it?

Carol-Anne Hillman:  Ianto?  Handcuffs and spray cream?  Ky and spray cream or all three? Yeah, in this alley!  You wanna roleplay?

Ianto

The Doctor: Ohhh Arrr Captain...Show me what you got there.

Jack:  On many occasions when Jack and he played the ‘Kiss the person opposite’ game it was Jack he connected with, but on this occasion and high on some alien wacky baccy that Gwen had mistakenly believed was incense, the ‘kissing the person opposite’ became something a little more interesting.  Although it had to be said that puckering up to Janet was not high on his register of things to kiss.  But with lips pursed, a steely gaze, and slightly fuggy brain, Ianto inched closer and closer....

Betty Dee:  YOU!!! How dare you touch my coffee machine!!!

Annika Gabriella Brink:  Bitten by a common dog were you?  Oooh I’m sooo impressed!

Rhiannon Cork New:  “Oooo I’m pretty sure that hockey stick isn’t mean for that Jack.”

Carol-Anne Hillman:  Oh you are so gonna get it when we get back to the Hub!  Play acting indeed!

©BBC Torchwood 2006