The TARDIS landed in a
territory that had become familiar to it in recent days; the bedroom of
Clementine Bradden, with its bare yellow walls; a blank canvas for a creative
mind. They provided an artificial light
into Clementine’s life, which had become bleaker as the years passed by and the
light had faded. She was in need of a Doctor,
but not the one with degrees and letters after his/her name but, the one with
the blue police box. Her life had
spiralled since she was very young and now in her late twenties, a night for
her was filled up with recurrent nightmares of a man in her bedroom, and not a
cup of tea and a jelly baby, or a cocktail with friends. All she did was work, eat and sleep, with no
enjoyment in any of them. They were just needed to function. A means to an
end.
Even when she bought her first designer
handbag, she felt nothing. Her life had
become numb, like she was just existing, but for no reason that stood out. She had tried counselling over the years,
which helped in a way by giving her an outlet, but the nightmares had started
recently when she saw a strange man in her room.
The Doctor landed the blue box without its
usual noise when he forgot to put on the brake, but with silence as one did not
want to cause alacrity like the first time he had landed in her room. In other words, she screamed. Like usual his co-ordinates were all out of
sync and the timing was off, so he peeped out of the door saying ‘oops sorry’ with a little smile, but he
was drawn in by her. There was something about her that made him continue
popping in and out of her life at various stages.
This time instead of her screaming at it
like she did before, she just looked and stared at him as he made his
reappearance. Maybe she was drawn in
too, by his big kind eyes and woolly scarf.
It was as if she wasn’t surprised by the blue police box and the man
that came with it in her room; maybe she was expecting them. The Doctor from viewing her from afar, had
discovered time held no future for her: she just had a past. He was intrigued. She wasn’t beautiful by any means, yes, he
had travelled with some beauties as a rogue Timelord, but she just radiated
sadness and a longing. He didn’t know
the reasons or how this happened, but he wanted to know more.
He visited her at school. She thought he was
the caretaker. She wasn’t popular and by
no means Einstein, but she didn’t fare too badly. He saw her move out of her
parents’ house to go to university and there was nothing but love in their
eyes. He saw her get her first flat, he
hid behind the bush and he directed her to her first job interview. She didn’t really look at him, or see the box
he just appeared out of. It was as if
she was just there in life, not participating fully and was just wading through
it to get to the end. Like the one time
he tried to read James Joyce’s Ulysses, he ended up going back in time to tell
him to write a shorter much more concise to the point version. Which of course he didn’t, which is why many
students struggle to read it to this day.
Then he saw the night it
all changed. He wasn’t the only man in her childhood bedroom. Governed by the Guardians of Time he couldn’t
stop it, he was just a holographic projection.
One man broke three hearts that night.
He saw the nightmares, looking down at her
as she tossed and turned in her half sleep and seemingly lost the fight with
her duvet. It was almost as if her body
was remembering that night, as she
calmed and awoke. He left her with a
glass of water from the fountain in the TARDIS. It was one of these new
fittings he barely used, but one does need water in order to make a cup of
tea.
And now he spoke to her: ‘Hello’, as he
didn’t know what else to say, mostly his other companions had interjected
themselves into his life, but now it was the other way around. Again, she just glared at him, she wasn’t
surprised to see him, it was if she knew he meant to be there.
‘Here, have this,’ handing her another glass
of water, ‘this might make you feel better’.
‘It’s not poisoned, is it?’ she asked.
‘No, my dear’ he replied softly. He was struck by her composure. She took a sip and then sipped some
more. He just smiled gently at her so
she knew he was no threat to her.
‘What are you doing here and how did you get
in?’. He realised that he was talking to
a younger version of Clementine embodied into the adult, it was like she was an
inquisitive 8-year-old who still believed in Santa. Her mind hadn’t developed past that
night. She was living the adult life,
with a mind stuck deep in the past.
‘Well I am what you might call the Doctor’
‘But I didn’t call for a doctor!’ she exclaimed
and stared beadily at him.
‘I am a special type of Doctor, and I could
see you were having trouble sleeping and I came to help.’
‘Oh, so a sort of sleep therapist.’
‘You could say that.’
‘Cup of tea, Doctor? It always helps me to
sleep.’
‘I thought you’d never ask’. She got of her bed in her Minnie Mouse
pyjamas and wrapped herself up in a blanket and led the way into the kitchen.
It was a room in a shared house she lived in and she knew no-one else would be
up. She made two cups of tea and they
sat at the table.
‘Now Clementine, tell me what happens in
your nightmares.’ and he gently touched her hand offering comfort, so she could
tell her tale.
‘You see Doctor I see this man; I don’t see
his face. It’s like his face has been
wiped from my memory. He’s in my room,
but it’s not this room. Its … its…’
‘Go on’ the Doctor’s hand clutching hers,
gave her the courage to carry on.
‘It’s my old bedroom from my parents’
house. I know he’s there but it’s like I
feel what happened, but I don’t remember.
I don’t know what is happening to me Doctor, please can you help?’ He looked at her, the tears hiding behind his
eyes. He knew but couldn’t tell
her.
‘I will see what I can do for you. I will come back again and see you tomorrow
night. Now get some sleep.’ he said, as
he walked her back into her bedroom. He
opened the door of the TARDIS and Clementine just stared at it with her eyes
wide.
‘You’re not a normal doctor, are you?’
‘No dear I am not, cheerio Clementine Bradden.’
‘Goodbye Doctor, excuse me? How do you know my name?’, she asked as the
TARDIS doors closed behind him and the Doctor knew he must consult with
somebody higher and more knowledgeable than himself. He was perplexed by her
comfort in seeing him in her room, given what had happened to her as a
child. He was a stranger to her, but he
had been there without her knowledge at various times in her life. Her eyes pleaded with him to help her. She was trusting a stranger, but she couldn’t
trust herself and what her body and her memory was trying to tell her. She was simply unable to fathom out what
happened to her that had stilted her life.
He landed the TARDIS in a place he only
visited on occasion, in other words when he was summoned or needed help. The white benches, the scenic view, the
serene environment. He sat down,
adjusted his jacket and waited. He
looked at the trees, still blossomed even though that earthly season had well
passed. No time passes, as time itself
is guarded there.
At last his companion arrived, well appeared
on the bench opposite. His cane was just
used for decoration, his beard white, the rest of his attire a mix of creams
and whites. His unmistakable panama hat
and the red rose in his lapel were his staple.
Time had not changed either men, but both had and succeeded in changing
it.
‘Doctor, this is a surprise.’
‘It is you, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, it is, my counterpart has been
banished from these here parts.’
‘White Guardian, so pleased to see you!’
‘Doctor, your visits are very rare, given
our friendship and the assistance we have given each over the years’.
‘Well I am very sorry, I have been sort of
doing a bit of freelance work you see, all in your good name of course. I do restore order and do my bit.’
‘You sometimes make a mess of it too’, the
Doctor winced as he knew fair well, he made mistakes too, just like his human
companions.
‘I do ask a small favour of you though.’ the
Doctor pleaded.
‘Go on’ he replied begrudgingly.
‘It’s this girl… see… well she’s now a woman.’
‘I am well, aware girls grow into women,
Doctor, get to the point’ said the White Guardian in a very ironically
impatient way, given that time does really change in his homestead. Maybe the Doctor had just caught him on a bad
day, or maybe the Doctor realised he should make more of an effort.
‘She is stilted, Guardian, there’s no future
mapped out for her. She is stuck in the
past. Something happened and she can’t
get passed it, she kind of doesn’t remember and I think she needs to face it.’
‘What do you mean Doctor?’ asked the
Guardian, getting slightly more irritated by the Doctor’s presence.
‘I want to show her,’ the Guardian’s eyes
became wider as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘I want to take her
back to that night and show her what happened to her, then maybe she could move
on from it.’
‘You know the rules Doctor; a human is not
allowed to travel down their own timeline.
Stopping the event itself or meddling in it can influence time itself
with devastating consequences.’
‘Yes, but I want to show her, I don’t want
to stop it’
‘You know her past self, can’t see her
present self, don’t you?’
‘Yes, I plan to park the TARDIS out of
lateral time. She will be able to see
herself and what happened, but she will be invisible to the events themselves.’
‘That is one way to do it I suppose, but you
do realise, if you let her see what happened it may damage her further.’
‘It won’t, Guardian, I have observed the
people she has around her, they will support her.’
‘You know what happens now is your
responsibility. I can’t assist you in anyway. I cannot and will not stop and
erase or edit history for you or any Timelord.
And I do not support or condone this behaviour.’
‘I know, I merely sought out your advice,
your knowledge is way above mine and your status is far more superior. I thank
you, your Guardianship.’
‘Less of that’, he grimaced sarcastically,
‘I will ask you one question Doctor, why this human?’ The question stunned the Doctor like a baby
when it hears itself sneeze for the first time.
He was caught off-guard. He had
no prepared answer.
‘I do not know, maybe she reminds me of
somebody. I…I guess… I g-g-guess … I do
not know’, the Doctor stuttered and stammered.
‘Very well Doctor’ and with that the Doctor
found himself alone looking at the empty bench before him.
Clementine slept through
her alarm, which concerned her as she was usually so punctual and efficient in
her work. Like with her nightmares, she
didn’t know who to turn to or tell about the man in her room. Who would believe her? Her mother was too
dismissive, when she had tried to ask about it and had avoided her and her nonsense as she put it. Clementine
busied herself, and then rushed home, to await her next appointment with the
strange but likeable Doctor.
She sat on the bed and waited for the
Doctor, slightly nerved at the thought of seeing him again. He knew things about her that she hadn’t told
anyone. Everything now was becoming
blurred in her mind, like she had been given a new pair of prescription glasses
and her eyes were adjusting. She was now
questioning her life, her existence.
What had the man in the blue box done, what was he about to do?
The nightmares had started when one of the
other tenants had accidentally stumbled into her room drunk. He apologised straightaway and the day after
she received a box of chocolates and a card re-iterating his apology. They were left outside her door, as he didn’t
want to intrude once more or even worse startle her again. Her immature mind did not question how the
Doctor came to be in her room not once but twice and now, he was about to
arrive for a third time. She had assured
herself she must have been dreaming, just like she had been told she must have
dreamt about the first man in her room.
The police box appeared before her, and the
now familiar face peeped out. She wasn’t
scared by his presence, but she was afraid of the unknown.
‘Hello again?’ he beckoned her over, ‘would
you like to come in for a spot of tea?’
She wrapped her arms around herself and walked slowly and in an almost
hypnotic way to the TARDIS. The fear of
the unknown silenced her. ‘Don’t be
scared, I am not going to hurt you in any way and you can leave at any time;
just mind the step.’
‘For some reason I know that Doctor, I don’t
know what is going to happen, b-b-but …I-I-I know….’ She was silenced by the
interior of the TARDIS as she stepped inside.
‘It’s … it’s…’
‘I know’ the Doctor interrupted with a
little smile. He was used to giving his
little spiel to anybody lucky enough to be able to step inside and see the
wonders of time and space.
‘A very interesting office, Doctor.’ She
exclaimed and the Doctor chortled.
‘Well I have never heard it called that before. Cup of tea?’
‘Yes please, I think I better had.’ The Doctor led her to what he called the
lounging area of the TARDIS, just off from where the main control panel
was. There were two Bradden sofas and a
glass coffee table with a tea tray on it.
Beside one of the very ugly, yet comfortable couches was a tower of
books. Books by Tolstoy, Charlotte
Bronte, Charles Dickens and JK Rowling.
The classics as the Doctor called them.
The Doctor signalled for Clementine to sit and help herself to
refreshment.
‘You may wonder what this is all about,’ the
Doctor began, ‘you see this office as you call it, is a sort of
spaceship.’ Her eyes widened and she
struggled to swallow her gulp of tea. ‘It can travel through space’ he paused,
‘and time.’ Clementine set down her
cup, as she acknowledged what the Doctor was getting at.
‘You mean, you could?’ she was sitting
forward not taking her eyes off the strange man in the long scarf sat opposite
him.
‘The man in your childhood bedroom? Yes’,
answering his own question, he nodded. ‘Do you trust me?’
‘Strangely I do Doctor. Don’t ask me why,
but it’s like you have always been part of my life.’ The Doctor looked on her with concern and
slight worry.
‘I can take you back, but we wouldn’t be there there. I couldn’t allow you to risk your past self
to see you as it can have severe consequences.
And we cannot stop or change any of the events that are about to occur. We must remain inside the TARDIS and be as
quiet as possible. Do you
understand?’ He was gentle but stern as
he asked the question. Clementine drew into herself again, and in her childlike
tone replied.
‘Yes.’ It was if she knew she had to do
this, she had to face the man from her nightmares, it frightened her
tremendously. The Doctor led her to the window, which he activated with a
simple push of a button. He placed his
hand on her back as a comfort.
‘This is where we can see, now are you
sure?’ Now, they were looking at her bedroom from the shared house, the yellow
walls. She nodded and he pressed another button and with noises, no human could
describe, the view silently changed as her old bedroom slowly came into
focus. The faded wallpaper of zoo
animals that badly needed replacing, the off-white knobbly ceiling that people
thought was fashionable and there was the eight-year-old Clementine lying in
bed with one of her dollies. The door
opened and both Clementine’s gasped in unison.
A shadow formed in the doorway illuminated by the landing light, he
appeared. The Doctor’s hand was once again offering comfort to Clementine. The face was recognised.
‘What are you doing here?’ Young Clementine
asked, innocently.
‘I was feeling lonely and I came in for a
special cuddle.’
The Doctor was now stood
behind Clementine as she placed her hand on the pane. His arms were gently placed on her
shoulders. He saw a tear form on her
face as the events enfolded.
The figure stood in the moonlight, as he
shut the bedroom door behind him. He
walked over to her bed.
‘You don’t want me to feel lonely, do you?’
Clementine’s leg began to
shake in a way to release the tension that was inflating her body.
They embraced and for a while little
Clementine seemed content in giving her Uncle Bobby a cuddle. Then the
atmosphere changed, innocence was scarred and a child was silenced.
‘Enough is enough.’ and with that the Doctor
left Clementine’s side and noisily dis-apparated. Clementine’s bedroom door
re-opened, because the noise had alerted someone else in the house.
The Doctor needed Clementine to have closure,
both the past and the present Clementine needed their suffering to end. She was curled up on the TARDIS floor,
weeping softly like a child. He knelt
down beside her, and wiped her face with his long scarf.
‘It’s over, it’s over, he can’t harm you
anymore.’ he said gently to her, ‘I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.’ He kept
repeating over and over, not knowing what to say or do next.
He took her back home, to where he had first
stumbled across her. He opened the door
so she could see he had brought her to the safety of the present. She glanced
up at the familiarity of her room, stood up without a word and ran out to the
comfort of her bed. He followed and went
to sit down beside her.
‘No you don’t get to do this,’ she said
sternly through her tears, ‘Y-y-y-you have shown me my nightmares, you made me
live them, you don’t get to fix me Doctor after you have destroyed me.’ She was
shocked by the strength in her voice, hoping her emotions would follow suit.
‘I-I-I o-o-only tried to help you.’ he was
flummoxed by her response to him.
‘I don’t need your type of medicine Doctor,
I need to be me, now get out!’ Beaten, he did what she had asked. Once in the TARDIS, whilst leaving, he looked
through the window, as if he could see her.
‘I’m so sorry, please forgive me. Oh
Clementine, what have I done?’ he was clearly mourning his fixation.
‘What
have you done, Doctor?’ The White Guardian appeared on the couch behind him.
‘I-I-I only tried to help.’ His past
confidence had been struck; he had clearly done wrong.
‘I did try to warn you, Doctor’ and with a
click of his fingers, they were back on the bench, where they previously had
their conversation. The Doctor alarmed
at the abrupt change of scene, still stood as if he was in charge of the
situation.
‘But… my TARDIS?’
‘A mere case of spatial dimension, I can’t
think clearly in there, it’s far too claustrophobic for me, I like the air.’
‘B-b-b…’
‘Hush Doctor, you meddled.’
‘I most certainly did not!’ The White
Guardian merely coughed knowingly. ‘Oh, the whole brakes on, thing, just a
habit, you see.’ This response was met
with a sarcastic tilt of the head and motioned for the Doctor to sit beside
him. ‘You still have much to learn
Doctor.’ The Doctor could nothing but stay silent in
agreement, as he was about to be taught a lesson.
‘You
wanted to heal Clementine Bradden by getting her to face the past, but it
wasn’t your place to do so. She wasn’t
ready. You alerted her father to his brother’s defiance much sooner. And justice was done in that respect. But you in turn broke a family.’ Realisation slowly made its way onto the
Doctor’s face and he now held his head in shame.
‘Can’t we just wipe away the memory?’ he
asked like he too was a child, asking his Dad for a puppy.
‘If only it were that simple. You see
Doctor, you seem to believe that humans can just get over things, and that time
heals. You don’t let yourself get involved with these companions of yours. Your own granddaughter broke your heart,
because you thought you were doing the right thing. You too need to heal. Clementine will heal,
she has already shown you that, but she wasn’t ready to face her past as
abruptly as you did, but believe it or not she was going to. Slowly and gradually she would have started
asking questions and the truth would be revealed. Her mum wouldn’t have lied to her to protect
her. Yes, time can be a great healer, but it also can be a barrier to
truth. Bit by bit that barrier was
breaking down.’
‘But Clementine?’ the Doctor pleaded.
‘You have been erased and are forbidden in
going back into her timestream. She
remembers her past now, but what she always had was her strength and
bravery. So, if you are asking if she
has a future? Yes, she does.’
‘Oh, thank you, oh thank you. I…‘
And with another click, the Doctor stood
facing a photograph of Susan and began to cry.
