Sontar-aha, says Tony.
Ever been to an arms fair?
Imagine it like a Comic-Con
only with less cosplay and more venal, chilling megalomania.
On one level, there’s no
more natural environment in the universe in which to set a Sontaran story, but
on the other, there’s something deeply incongruous about having Sontarans buy
their weapons from a third party. Fortunately, that’s a thought that’s already occurred
to writer Matt Fitton, and he addresses it directly in the course of the story,
in a way that gives a fun peek behind the PR of the glorious Sontaran Empire.
The amount of pleasure
you’ll get from Starlight Robbery rather depends on what you’re looking
for going in. If you’re looking for Sontarans, Sontarans and more Sontarans,
you’re surprisingly in luck, given how little of the actual plot is
Sontaran-based. Dan Starkey, the modern Kevin Lindsay and 21st
century Sontaran supreme, gives us a handful of very different Sontaran ranks
and voices, from Marshall Stenn, through Major Vlar all the way down to
Sergeant Gredd in this story, which also lets us in on Sontaran honour-codes,
Sontaran space manoeuvres, and Sontaran death-oaths. Of a host of Big Finish
Sontaran stories (The First Sontarans, The King of Sontar, Heroes
of Sontar, Terror of the Sontarans etc), you could make a strong
case for Starlight Robbery getting the balance the most right between
the comedy potential of the Potato-Heads of Sontar and the serious military
threat they embody. So while most of the other stories have something to
recommend them (First Sontarans – intriguing pass at an origin story, King
of Sontar – what would happen if they stopped being stupid at all, Heroes
of Sontar – out and out comedy Sontarans, Terror of the Sontarans –
Sontarans reduced to gibbering terror), if it’s straight down the line
Sontarans with the balance between militaristic buffoonery and terrifying
threat maintained you’re looking for, then Fitton’s script should be your go-to
Sontaranfest.
That said, as mentioned, Starlight
Robbery is only partly about the Sontarans. The middle script of a
three-episode story arc revolving around something called a persuasion machine,
it’s heavy with backstory that you have to take account of, and it makes a lot
more actual sense if you’ve listened to preceding story, Persuasion by
Jonathan Barnes.
First of all, the Doctor
is travelling with a version of Dr Elizabeth Klein, who has a timeline more complex
than is necessary and who possibly used to be a Nazi, but is now UNIT’s chief
scientific advisor. Also along for the ride is her probationary assistant, the
technically brilliant but practically untested Will Arrowsmith, who in this
story seems to be included for the comedy value of an unpracticed geek meeting
attractive girls for the first real time in his life, and the things bad girls
can get such geeks to do for them.
What’s more, the notional
chief villain of the piece is not the Sontarans but Garundel, a Urodelian
(toad-boy, essentially) we’ve encountered before in Black and White,
when he unwittingly became the inspiration for the monster Grendel in Beowulf.
It’s Garundel’s weapons auction that the Sontarans have come to attend, along
with the Doctor’s crew and a host of other warlike murdering reprobates. But
being Garundel – who really, played with a camp American twang by Stuart
(President Nixon in the TV show) Milligan, and looking, as mentioned, like
nothing more than a toad, has the vibe of belonging in a Sixth Doctor comic
strip, along with Frobisher and his crew – there’s more to it than the simple
selling of advanced kill-sticks. There’s a rather appealing comic logic in the
central conceit of the plot, but when it’s revealed, there’s a sense in which Starlight
Robbery loses its reason for existing, and turns into that country lane
your GPS leads you down – very nice and pretty and all that, but nevertheless a
diversion from getting on with your life.
So there’s a bargain to be
struck with Starlight Robbery. Go into it on the understanding
that it’s not, ultimately, going to lead you anywhere you especially want to
be, and just revel in the Sontarantastic pleasure of it all.
Again, there’s a very
strong argument to be made that Dan Starkey is the 21st century’s
Kevin Lindsay, as he’s done more with the Sontarans than any other actor since
Lindsay, and certainly, he’s done more with them that works than anyone
bar their on-screen originator. Whatever your feelings about Strax the Sontaran
butler, listen to Starkey’s work in audio (he takes leading Sontaran duties on
all but Heroes of Sontar), and you begin to understand how nuanced a species
they can actually be, growing beyond Robert Holmes’ original intention for them
as a straightforward satire on militarism, bureaucracy and machismo. Here, both
Fitton and Starkey show they understand that the Sontarans are inherently funny,
certainly, but also that they have some reasons to take themselves as seriously
as they always do – listen to Marshall Stenn wax practically poetical about the
infinite armies of Sontar, daily hatched by their billions on the clone worlds,
and you get a sense of the Sontarans as a whole species of British First World
War generals, fired with homicidal pride – but pride that they believe is
justified nonetheless. Hear him describe Major Vlar as a fine officer, having
attained his ninth year of age, and you get the idea of the self-revolving,
grandiose sense of superiority that has motivated all the on-screen Sontarans
we’ve ever seen, set out far more clearly and eloquently than it ever had been
on TV, at least until The Sontaran Stratagem.
So Starlight Robbery is
worth a listen simply for the depth it gives to the Sontarans. And yes, there’s
plenty of humour at their expense too – the Marshall having something of a
hissy fit at one point because his swagger stick has been taken away from him;
the idea that even without any of the weapons they habitually use, a Sontaran’s
body is
the perfect weapon, and more besides.
The persuasion machine was
always a bit of a blatant MacGuffin, and it never seems more MacGuffiny than it
does in this middle episode. Garundel is a fun creation, but Milligan’s voice
for him and the ultra-arch dialogue the character gets to use is funny only so
far before it begins to make the listener think “Oh, get on with it, toad-boy!”
McCoy’s Doctor is relatively tangential to most of the story, though he does
get his moments in episode four to do a couple of Clever Things. For the most
part, the Tardis crew of Klein and Arrowsmith get to carry the investigative
action, and Tracy Childs and Christian Edwards respectively make rather a fun
fist of it, their dynamic of boss and underling giving them an additional edge
that allows them to be entertaining in the Doctor’s absence. Most particularly,
listen out for Jo Woodcock as Miss Ziv, Garundel’s blue-skinned, antenna-owning
Gadalaxian partner in crime, who, despite her undoubted involvement in
nefarious shenanigans comes across as rather sweet in her many scenes with
Edwards’ Arrowsmith, and who gives the actual plot some much-needed emotional
body.
Starlight Robbery is a fun diversion in story terms, but
it deserves its place in any Who fan’s collection for the superb work that Matt
Fitton and Dan Starkey put in to making the universe of the Sontarans come
properly alive in a way it’s rarely done on screen.
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