Beyond The Hub Shark Attack 3: Megalodon by DJ Forrest

 

The Terror Has Me in Stitches 

Everyone has a turkey of a film somewhere in their credits, and this may be one of Barrowman’s. The acting is a little ham fisted and the dialogue a little over done in places, but I actually enjoy watching it, weirdly. Perhaps because Barrowman’s role isn’t completely overdone – apart from in some places, when he’s whacking a rubber shark, I mean Megalodon that’s popped through the bottom of the boat they’re on, to say HI Mom, what’s for dinner, I fancy human tonight. And the swearing is a little Oh God. Oh Shit, which I may have added a little more emphasis on and perhaps added the odd, Oh F**k, especially if I’d just seen a very large aquatic beast pop up to the surface of the water and take down an entire speed boat and owner?   

The film is set off the Mexican coast but filmed in Bulgaria, and begins with a diver being attacked by a large shark as he installs a power cable at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Six months later, and lifeguard Ben Carpenter, played by Barrowman is out catching lobster for his supper, and comes across a shark tooth embedded in the broken cable, only it’s too big to be a Great White Shark. Taking it back to his apartment he uploads the shark tooth he’s photographed and asks anyone what it might be. This attracts the attention of Cat Stone, a natural history researcher played by Jenny McShane, who comes down and investigates further, with two of her friends.   

What I hadn’t realised, till I researched a little, was that Shark Attack is a series of films which involve Ben Carpenter, but these are not all played by Barrowman. Jenny McShane played a different character in the first film. Am not entirely sure how well her first character came across but this one really struggled to engage with the audience especially me, on any of the emotional situations she came across. 

Mind you, the antagonists in this story didn’t seem to have much of a pulse either. The big bad in the film is a businessman called Tolley, who needs the power cable to work because of his business which I think was in tourism, and because of the threat to his trade, he wanted the big shark found and killed, so he could return to making more money. 

The film has become something of a cult classic, especially amongst Barrowman fans, who always talk about the worst scene in the film possible, and of which doesn’t involve him whacking a baseball bat at a rubber shark and screaming DIE! DIE! DIE! 

No, it’s the ‘pussy’ one, which John ad libbed to evoke a reaction in his female co-star. It, as far as I am aware, didn’t work but the comment was kept in – on DVD. It’s not however, on the streaming channel known as Amazon Prime. It’s not there at all. Plus, the audio is out by a millisecond and enough to really ruin a bad film altogether – that and the crap acting, by most of the cast. If you are going to watch it, I’d advise purchasing the DVD. 

This film came out in 2002, so it’s not a digital copy, which means that it doesn’t travel well to a streaming channel. It’s not crystal clear, and with the audio failing on the lip sync it’s a hard one to watch. But I persevered, because I have the DVD and I just wanted to watch a Barrowman film that night.   

Barrowman’s role as Carpenter is entertaining to watch – but then, Barrowman is always entertaining to watch. 

To be fair, both he and Ryan Cutrona were perhaps the only two actors in the entire film that were worth giving a hoot about. The rest – well, it was early on in their careers, I guess I shouldn’t complain too much. 

It is a laughable film from the rubber Meg in the boat being whacked with a baseball bat, to the big momma Meg rising from the depths to take out a speedboat and a jet ski, and various other people in a raft escaping the sinking ship. It’s absolutely, side splittingly hilarious from then on in, which is sad really, because, when it first starts, there’s promise, and interest, and hope. 

It’s not Jaws. It tries to be. But it’s not. 

If you’re a Barrowman fan you’ll want to watch it, just to know what it is that the fans are talking about – but buy it on DVD – don’t wait for a streaming channel to air it. They cut out all the best bits!!!