Tuesday, 5 June 2018

Fans Fiction Luck be a Lady in Time by Sarah Cambridge



Lady Christina de Souza, (Or Lady C as she was better known) heiress and last living family member of the de Souza estate, renowned socialite and 200th in line to the throne of England give or take a minor royal or two, sat in her favourite armchair, staring gloomily out of the large window in the drawing room of her home, the de Souza manor, clutching the one thing she had been dreading receiving ever since IT was announced on the news.
Her invite to the wedding of the prince of something or other, her distant cousin a few 100 times removed, and his smug looking actress wife to be.
   Hers wasn’t a generic invite as posted to the other guests, hers was a hand-written invite from Her majesty the Queen herself, which after a brief note that welcomed her home after her 5-year holiday, simply stated as though she had anticipated the reluctance already, “Yes you do have to come, no you can’t bring that ridiculous friend of yours and yes you do have to wear a hat!”
   It was fair to say that Lady C wasn’t one of the Queens favourite relations but as there was something in her late father’s will and a letter currently in the hands of solicitors that had something to do with her heritage, the Queen had no choice but to keep her relationship with Lady C as amicable as possible and vice versa, which meant she had to do at least one royal duty per year and as per the invite, this would be this year’s obligation and one she’d have to fulfil.
   Luckily, she was only invited to the evening do as the Queen didn’t want the press knowing she was home and knew that if Lady C was spotted in public before the palace had the chance to make a statement regarding her most recent activities, it would take the spotlight off the happy occasion, so she had been banned from the wedding itself but was expected at Frogmore house By 7pm.
   Lady C decided she would grin and bear it, wear something outrageous and get so drunk that she wouldn’t mind answering all the questions that would no doubt be asked as to her whereabouts in the last 5 years which she had been forbidden to discuss publicly by order of the Queen. It was fair to say though that the press and the public already knew that Lady Christina de Souza was the notorious jewel thief known as the lucky cat, who stole a fortune in order to clear the debts her late father had left her with, but when the debt had been paid, she had carried on stealing just because she liked it so much and had been caught 5 years ago and sent to prison for her crimes. This of course made international news until the palace put a ban on it, but even then, over the last few years the stories continued to leak into the press who were later sued until the stories of Lady Christina became lost and forgotten and she wasn’t spoke of any more. This suited her fine as she was able to remain anonymous in prison using her pseudonym of Tina Smith, a small tip she picked up from the doctor, the ridiculous friend the Queen had referred to in the invite.
   He was of course very ridiculous and had taken to wearing a bow tie and a fez the last time she had seen him during a prison visit which was some time ago now, but she didn’t have time to dwell on a time traveling face changing alien, she had a party to go to.
   The day arrived and past in a blur as she refused to watch or listen to the big day on tv, keeping it on mute as the images flickered away in the background. Instead she spent her time walking around the manor which had been stood abandoned for 5 years wondering where her life, the staff and all her money went. The secret underground vault was empty, the stables were empty, even her faithful butler and best friend had left to live a new life with his family and had no doubt taken some of her most prised possessions. She was in fact, penniless and she was in fact about to have a tantrum in a bid to clear some pent-up emotions when something on the tv caught her eye making her smile more in that second then she had done in years.... she was formulating a plan.
   The tiara the new bride was wearing was said to be Queen Mary’s diamond bandeau which contained diamonds dating back to 1839, but Lady C knew from experience and royal knowledge, that all royal Jewellery, no matter who owned it, had a fake counterpart. The fakes would be worn on certain occasions for security and insurance reasons, and on this certain occasion especially, the bride would most likely be wearing the fake tiara as the Queen wouldn’t have considered her worthy just yet of wearing the real thing. This meant that the real tiara would still be in the royal collection room within the tower of London and this meant that whilst everyone was jitterbugging to Wham’s wake me up before you go-go at Frogmore House, Lady C could steal the tiara, sell it and as well as raise some much-needed funds, release the lucky cat back into the world, although quite possibly under a new name.
   Maybe this wedding wouldn’t be as bad as she thought it would.

Leaving the manor that night with everything she needed for her first heist in years contained in a small back pack that she would hide somewhere before she made her low key appearance, she arrived at the heavily guarded location and watched as all kinds of important, famous and highly influential people made their way up the grand steps to celebrate the magical day with high spirits and free champagne, and as she wondered who the hell invited Posh and Becks, she decided that a grand spot light stealing entrance was much more her style.
   Lady C sauntered in with her head held high and grabbed a glass of the bubbly that was handed to her. Wearing a nude coloured very tight-fitting dress that almost made her look naked and judging by the second looks and gasps from several members of the party, they obviously thought she was, she mingled for a while, making sure she was seen and most definitely heard. She laughed with a chat show host and politely refused her request to do a bare all interview as she was banned from talking about herself, and she bowed politely to the newlyweds, ignoring the new brides look of contempt as the groom introduced her, but smirked whilst trying to stifle a loud laugh as he made a comment to his wife that she should get a dress like Christina’s, and then had to spend several minutes apologising to the Queen for wearing such a dress in the first place.
   She had no money and had lost every part of her inheritance, it was all she had left. It wasn't, but the Queen didn’t know that, and decided it probably wasn’t that bad after all and changed the subject rapidly saying how it was actually quite lovely when Lady C asked her where the contents of her vault were? She knew of course that they had been seized by the police in the raid the day she was arrested and possibly returned to their rightful owners seeing as just about everything was stolen, but she also knew that some things would have been retained by the palace and that one day, she would most probably have to steal it all back.
   "I need funds to clean up the manor." She informed the Queen who eyed her suspiciously as she sipped her G&T. "You can’t possibly expect me to go out to work on a minimum wage. My father made it clear in his Will that I was to receive a monthly sum of £5000 for the duration of my life but I’ve not received a penny since I’ve been...well. away. Surely, I’m owed that as back payment which by my estimation should be £300,000? Yet my bank account says different"
   "You'll get it." the Queen assured her. "When you can prove......"
   "Who my mother really was?" Lady C interrupted her, making her splutter her drink so she had to wipe her chin. "Oh I know all about it” She continued, "and I know what I’m entitled to which is far more than the title of Lady!"
   The Queen would have had her arrested for daring to blackmail her, but she knew she was right and she knew that if this scandal became public, the next in line to the throne and her crown wouldn’t be her eldest son at all, in fact the whole family would be ruined and the only reason it had remained a secret all these years was because she honestly had no idea that Christina knew. Lady C didn’t know if the truth be told, she knew her mother’s name was a secret and not even on her birth certificate and she knew that she wasn’t supposed to ask and never had, but the Queen didn’t know this.
   "Fine" She retorted draining her glass and ordering the butler to bring her a double this time. "I'll have it paid into your account tomorrow, if you leave now." Lady C smiled, thanked her majesty for her kindness and left, not to go home, but to head to the tower of London and claim her new tiara.
   The brand new Jaguar E-Type she had decided to help herself to that was parked outside Frogmore house, pulled up around the corner of the Tower of London, and now dressed head to toe in a black cat suit sporting the small back pack she had recovered before she left and a balaclava, Lady C made her way to the back entrance of the tower and using her skills as the world’s most famous cat burglar, got inside and ran as quickly as she could to the guards room to trip the alarm before it had time to go off.
   The tower wasn’t heavily guarded tonight as all forces had been pulled into patrol the grounds of the party, and only one guard was on duty for insurance reasons, so it was going to be an easy job by all accounts. The guard as predicted was asleep with his feet up on his desk, so Lady C crept past him, turned off the alarm and all the CCTV cameras using the base code gadget she had lifted from her bow tie wearing doctor friend and making sure Alan, as per his name badge, was fast asleep, made her way into the entrance hall and towards the cabinet containing the real tiara.
   It was lit up like Christmas with all kinds of invisible laser beams pointing at it ready to trip the palace alarms they were hardwired into and therefore unable to shut off without 2 keys being activated at the same time, and she knew in that instant that she’d have to be pretty clever to remove the tiara from the case before the alarms went off.
   There was only one thing for it, a smash, a grab and a quick exit and as the glass shattered with the force of the neuron pulse she aimed at it that she had also lifted from the ridiculous doctor, grabbed the tiara and shoved it into her bag, she suddenly felt a warm breeze wash across her shoulders and the sound of engines filled the room.
   "Oh bugger!" Lady C exclaimed out loud and not so ladylike and pulled the balaclava off her head taking a deep breath as the Tardis appeared behind her, the doors opening allowing the single hooded occupant inside to step out.
   "Look, I know what you’re going to say Doctor so don’t bother OK, you don’t need to be here protecting me like before, I can handle myself so be a good boy and run along will you. In fact, why don’t you head over to Frogmore and join the royal party, I’m the sure Her Majesty would love to see you again, especially after last time…." Her voice trailed off as the figure who stepped out, wasn’t the one she was expecting and as she came further into her line of vision, Lady C almost screamed with fright as the Doctor spoke to her in a voice she was sure she would never be able to accept!
   "Come with me, if nothing else let me save you from another 5 years behind bars. The room has been momentarily time locked and frozen, we'll have seconds to leave before it unfreezes again so please Christina, be quick."
   Lady C opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. It was no use arguing especially when she had other questions that needed answering first, so she did as she was told and headed into the Tardis with the Timelord following her in, closing the doors behind them. Buttons were pressed, and levers were pulled, and the mighty time machine left the tower just as the shattered glass hit the floor and the alarms went crazy, waking the guard and causing the cameras to flicker back on.

   "You obviously have questions so please ask away." the Doctor invited.
   "You’re a woman now?" Lady C shouted at her unable to hold back anymore. “A bloody woman? Did something go wrong or is this how things are now? I don’t know whether I’m annoyed with you for leaving me to rot in that cell for the last 5 years or slightly nauseated by the fact that you can change your gender as and when you feel like it. I had a crush on you, you know? It’s all just very weird I mean, what if we had, well you know? Oh my god, I kissed you, does that make me a lesbian now?"
   The Doctor had regenerated again this was true and as she had not been around to help Christina when she had needed her it was hard for her to now have to explain how regeneration worked and that Timelord gender wasn’t as specific as it was for humans, nor did she want to. Yes, she was now female, for how long wasn’t certain but she was tired and knew better than to argue with the world’s most argumentative woman or try and get her to give back what she had stolen.
   The Tardis came to land and the Doctor opened the doors leading Lady C outside. They had landed in the de Souza manor gardens by one of the boundary walls that had crumbled over time from the neglect of being unloved and uncared for.
   The Doctor lowered her hood revealing a mass of blonde hair that skimmed her shoulders. “I’m sorry Christina, I really am but I can’t explain it to you now. I will come back, soon I promise but for now I’ve brought you home and I hope you can at least think about what you’ve done until I get back and know that you don’t have to do this anymore. I know about your mother and I’ll help you find her I promise, but not now, I have to be somewhere."
   "You said that last time remember?" Lady C now shouted angrily. "I did time for you Time Lord, I got caught doing the one heist you asked me to do and as a consequence I lost everything and after your one and only visit, you never came back and you said you’d literally only be 2 minutes and that was 5 years ago and now here you are, a woman, asking me to reconsider the only lifestyle I’ve ever known that I was forced into without choice, just to make you feel better for what you’ve done as if it will reform me and void you of all blame? Please leave, I can find my own way and my own information about my mother myself"
   She was angry and rightly so in the doctor’s opinion as she had failed her, and she would forever feel guilty for the way Lady C’s life had turned out. Apologising again, she turned and walked back towards the Tardis, leaving the manor and Lady C behind as she always had done, but had never wanted to.
   Lady C huffed as the Tardis disappeared and stomped angrily up to the manor not sure what was upsetting her the most. She had loved and lost the Doctor and now the only man to ever truly have her heart was a woman, it was her who now needed the large G&T.
  She barely slept that night and by the time morning came in a flood of blazing sunlight, she was already up sipping tea in her favourite chair by the window of the drawing room, wearing her dressing gown and a rather fetching tiara, flicking through a small black book of contacts that she could sell it to. She switched the TV on and was just in time to catch the end of the morning news.

"The new bride of his Royal Highness faces questioning by police as her car was found abandoned near the Tower of London during the robbery which took place this morning shortly after 2am. Officials are reluctant to say what was stolen but it is speculated the bride is involved as many guests claim she had not been seen for a few hours from 11pm onwards when she made her excuses and left to have a lay down, claiming she had a migraine. More on this story later"

   Lady C smirked, she was back in business.

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