Lady Christina de Souza,
(Or Lady C as she was better known) heiress and last living family member of
the de Souza estate, renowned socialite and 200th in line to the throne of
England give or take a minor royal or two, sat in her favourite armchair, staring
gloomily out of the large window in the drawing room of her home, the de Souza
manor, clutching the one thing she had been dreading receiving ever since IT
was announced on the news.
Her invite to the wedding
of the prince of something or other, her distant cousin a few 100 times
removed, and his smug looking actress wife to be.
Hers wasn’t a generic invite as posted to
the other guests, hers was a hand-written invite from Her majesty the Queen
herself, which after a brief note that welcomed her home after her 5-year
holiday, simply stated as though she had anticipated the reluctance already,
“Yes you do have to come, no you can’t bring that ridiculous friend of yours
and yes you do have to wear a hat!”
It was fair to say that Lady C wasn’t one of
the Queens favourite relations but as there was something in her late father’s
will and a letter currently in the hands of solicitors that had something to do
with her heritage, the Queen had no choice but to keep her relationship with
Lady C as amicable as possible and vice versa, which meant she had to do at
least one royal duty per year and as per the invite, this would be this year’s
obligation and one she’d have to fulfil.
Luckily, she was only invited to the evening
do as the Queen didn’t want the press knowing she was home and knew that if
Lady C was spotted in public before the palace had the chance to make a
statement regarding her most recent activities, it would take the spotlight off
the happy occasion, so she had been banned from the wedding itself but was
expected at Frogmore house By 7pm.
Lady C decided she would grin and bear it,
wear something outrageous and get so drunk that she wouldn’t mind answering all
the questions that would no doubt be asked as to her whereabouts in the last 5
years which she had been forbidden to discuss publicly by order of the Queen.
It was fair to say though that the press and the public already knew that Lady
Christina de Souza was the notorious jewel thief known as the lucky cat, who
stole a fortune in order to clear the debts her late father had left her with,
but when the debt had been paid, she had carried on stealing just because she
liked it so much and had been caught 5 years ago and sent to prison for her
crimes. This of course made international news until the palace put a ban on
it, but even then, over the last few years the stories continued to leak into
the press who were later sued until the stories of Lady Christina became lost
and forgotten and she wasn’t spoke of any more. This suited her fine as she was
able to remain anonymous in prison using her pseudonym of Tina Smith, a small
tip she picked up from the doctor, the ridiculous friend the Queen had referred
to in the invite.
He was of course very ridiculous and had
taken to wearing a bow tie and a fez the last time she had seen him during a
prison visit which was some time ago now, but she didn’t have time to dwell on
a time traveling face changing alien, she had a party to go to.
The day arrived and past in a blur as she
refused to watch or listen to the big day on tv, keeping it on mute as the
images flickered away in the background. Instead she spent her time walking
around the manor which had been stood abandoned for 5 years wondering where her
life, the staff and all her money went. The secret underground vault was empty,
the stables were empty, even her faithful butler and best friend had left to
live a new life with his family and had no doubt taken some of her most prised
possessions. She was in fact, penniless and she was in fact about to have a
tantrum in a bid to clear some pent-up emotions when something on the tv caught
her eye making her smile more in that second then she had done in years.... she
was formulating a plan.
The tiara the new bride was wearing was said
to be Queen Mary’s diamond bandeau which contained diamonds dating back to
1839, but Lady C knew from experience and royal knowledge, that all royal
Jewellery, no matter who owned it, had a fake counterpart. The fakes would be
worn on certain occasions for security and insurance reasons, and on this
certain occasion especially, the bride would most likely be wearing the fake
tiara as the Queen wouldn’t have considered her worthy just yet of wearing the
real thing. This meant that the real tiara would still be in the royal
collection room within the tower of London and this meant that whilst everyone
was jitterbugging to Wham’s wake me up
before you go-go at Frogmore House, Lady C could steal the tiara, sell it
and as well as raise some much-needed funds, release the lucky cat back into
the world, although quite possibly under a new name.
Maybe this wedding wouldn’t be as bad as she
thought it would.
Leaving the manor that
night with everything she needed for her first heist in years contained in a
small back pack that she would hide somewhere before she made her low key
appearance, she arrived at the heavily guarded location and watched as all
kinds of important, famous and highly influential people made their way up the
grand steps to celebrate the magical day with high spirits and free champagne,
and as she wondered who the hell invited Posh and Becks, she decided that a
grand spot light stealing entrance was much more her style.
Lady C sauntered in with her head held high
and grabbed a glass of the bubbly that was handed to her. Wearing a nude
coloured very tight-fitting dress that almost made her look naked and judging
by the second looks and gasps from several members of the party, they obviously
thought she was, she mingled for a while, making sure she was seen and most
definitely heard. She laughed with a chat show host and politely refused her
request to do a bare all interview as she was banned from talking about
herself, and she bowed politely to the newlyweds, ignoring the new brides look
of contempt as the groom introduced her, but smirked whilst trying to stifle a
loud laugh as he made a comment to his wife that she should get a dress like
Christina’s, and then had to spend several minutes apologising to the Queen for
wearing such a dress in the first place.
She had no money and had lost every part of
her inheritance, it was all she had left. It wasn't, but the Queen didn’t know
that, and decided it probably wasn’t that bad after all and changed the subject
rapidly saying how it was actually quite lovely when Lady C asked her where the
contents of her vault were? She knew of course that they had been seized by the
police in the raid the day she was arrested and possibly returned to their
rightful owners seeing as just about everything was stolen, but she also knew
that some things would have been retained by the palace and that one day, she
would most probably have to steal it all back.
"I need funds to clean up the manor."
She informed the Queen who eyed her suspiciously as she sipped her G&T. "You
can’t possibly expect me to go out to work on a minimum wage. My father made it
clear in his Will that I was to receive a monthly sum of £5000 for the duration
of my life but I’ve not received a penny since I’ve been...well. away. Surely,
I’m owed that as back payment which by my estimation should be £300,000? Yet my
bank account says different"
"You'll get it." the Queen assured
her. "When you can prove......"
"Who my mother really was?" Lady C
interrupted her, making her splutter her drink so she had to wipe her chin.
"Oh I know all about it” She continued, "and I know what I’m entitled
to which is far more than the title of Lady!"
The Queen would have had her arrested for
daring to blackmail her, but she knew she was right and she knew that if this
scandal became public, the next in line to the throne and her crown wouldn’t be
her eldest son at all, in fact the whole family would be ruined and the only
reason it had remained a secret all these years was because she honestly had no
idea that Christina knew. Lady C didn’t know if the truth be told, she knew her
mother’s name was a secret and not even on her birth certificate and she knew
that she wasn’t supposed to ask and never had, but the Queen didn’t know this.
"Fine" She retorted draining her
glass and ordering the butler to bring her a double this time. "I'll have
it paid into your account tomorrow, if you leave now." Lady C smiled,
thanked her majesty for her kindness and left, not to go home, but to head to
the tower of London and claim her new tiara.
The brand new Jaguar E-Type she had decided
to help herself to that was parked outside Frogmore house, pulled up around the
corner of the Tower of London, and now dressed head to toe in a black cat suit
sporting the small back pack she had recovered before she left and a balaclava,
Lady C made her way to the back entrance of the tower and using her skills as
the world’s most famous cat burglar, got inside and ran as quickly as she could
to the guards room to trip the alarm before it had time to go off.
The tower wasn’t heavily guarded tonight as
all forces had been pulled into patrol the grounds of the party, and only one
guard was on duty for insurance reasons, so it was going to be an easy job by
all accounts. The guard as predicted was asleep with his feet up on his desk,
so Lady C crept past him, turned off the alarm and all the CCTV cameras using
the base code gadget she had lifted from her bow tie wearing doctor friend and
making sure Alan, as per his name badge, was fast asleep, made her way into the
entrance hall and towards the cabinet containing the real tiara.
It was lit up like Christmas with all kinds
of invisible laser beams pointing at it ready to trip the palace alarms they
were hardwired into and therefore unable to shut off without 2 keys being
activated at the same time, and she knew in that instant that she’d have to be
pretty clever to remove the tiara from the case before the alarms went off.
There was only one thing for it, a smash, a
grab and a quick exit and as the glass shattered with the force of the neuron
pulse she aimed at it that she had also lifted from the ridiculous doctor,
grabbed the tiara and shoved it into her bag, she suddenly felt a warm breeze
wash across her shoulders and the sound of engines filled the room.
"Oh bugger!" Lady C exclaimed out
loud and not so ladylike and pulled the balaclava off her head taking a deep
breath as the Tardis appeared behind her, the doors opening allowing the single
hooded occupant inside to step out.
"Look, I know what you’re going to say Doctor
so don’t bother OK, you don’t need to be here protecting me like before, I can
handle myself so be a good boy and run along will you. In fact, why don’t you
head over to Frogmore and join the royal party, I’m the sure Her Majesty would
love to see you again, especially after last time…." Her voice trailed off
as the figure who stepped out, wasn’t the one she was expecting and as she came
further into her line of vision, Lady C almost screamed with fright as the Doctor
spoke to her in a voice she was sure she would never be able to accept!
"Come with me, if nothing else let me
save you from another 5 years behind bars. The room has been momentarily time
locked and frozen, we'll have seconds to leave before it unfreezes again so
please Christina, be quick."
Lady C opened her mouth to speak and then
closed it again. It was no use arguing especially when she had other questions
that needed answering first, so she did as she was told and headed into the
Tardis with the Timelord following her in, closing the doors behind them.
Buttons were pressed, and levers were pulled, and the mighty time machine left
the tower just as the shattered glass hit the floor and the alarms went crazy,
waking the guard and causing the cameras to flicker back on.
"You obviously have questions so please
ask away." the Doctor invited.
"You’re a woman now?" Lady C
shouted at her unable to hold back anymore. “A bloody woman? Did something go
wrong or is this how things are now? I don’t know whether I’m annoyed with you
for leaving me to rot in that cell for the last 5 years or slightly nauseated
by the fact that you can change your gender as and when you feel like it. I had
a crush on you, you know? It’s all just very weird I mean, what if we had, well
you know? Oh my god, I kissed you, does that make me a lesbian now?"
The Doctor had regenerated again this was
true and as she had not been around to help Christina when she had needed her
it was hard for her to now have to explain how regeneration worked and that Timelord
gender wasn’t as specific as it was for humans, nor did she want to. Yes, she
was now female, for how long wasn’t certain but she was tired and knew better
than to argue with the world’s most argumentative woman or try and get her to
give back what she had stolen.
The Tardis came to land and the Doctor
opened the doors leading Lady C outside. They had landed in the de Souza manor
gardens by one of the boundary walls that had crumbled over time from the
neglect of being unloved and uncared for.
The Doctor lowered her hood revealing a mass
of blonde hair that skimmed her shoulders. “I’m sorry Christina, I really am
but I can’t explain it to you now. I will come back, soon I promise but for now
I’ve brought you home and I hope you can at least think about what you’ve done
until I get back and know that you don’t have to do this anymore. I know about
your mother and I’ll help you find her I promise, but not now, I have to be
somewhere."
"You said that last time
remember?" Lady C now shouted angrily. "I did time for you Time Lord,
I got caught doing the one heist you asked me to do and as a consequence I lost
everything and after your one and only visit, you never came back and you said
you’d literally only be 2 minutes and that was 5 years ago and now here you
are, a woman, asking me to reconsider the only lifestyle I’ve ever known that I
was forced into without choice, just to make you feel better for what you’ve
done as if it will reform me and void you of all blame? Please leave, I can
find my own way and my own information about my mother myself"
She was angry and rightly so in the doctor’s
opinion as she had failed her, and she would forever feel guilty for the way
Lady C’s life had turned out. Apologising again, she turned and walked back
towards the Tardis, leaving the manor and Lady C behind as she always had done,
but had never wanted to.
Lady C huffed as the Tardis disappeared and
stomped angrily up to the manor not sure what was upsetting her the most. She
had loved and lost the Doctor and now the only man to ever truly have her heart
was a woman, it was her who now needed the large G&T.
She barely slept that night and by the time
morning came in a flood of blazing sunlight, she was already up sipping tea in
her favourite chair by the window of the drawing room, wearing her dressing
gown and a rather fetching tiara, flicking through a small black book of
contacts that she could sell it to. She switched the TV on and was just in time
to catch the end of the morning news.
"The
new bride of his Royal Highness faces questioning by police as her car was
found abandoned near the Tower of London during the robbery which took place
this morning shortly after 2am. Officials are reluctant to say what was stolen
but it is speculated the bride is involved as many guests claim she had not
been seen for a few hours from 11pm onwards when she made her excuses and left
to have a lay down, claiming she had a migraine. More on this story later"
Lady C smirked, she was back in business.
