Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Articles Series 2 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Episode Breakdown

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Episode Breakdown

Writer: Russell T Davies & Chris Chibnall
Director: Ashley Way
Producer: Richard Stokes

On a quiet street at midnight, an elderly woman (Menna Trussler) presses the button at the pedestrian crossing as a sports car screams up the road towards her.  As the lights are on red, it draws to a halt.  Surprised by the look of the driver the woman stares at him, raising her brow as he waves her across the road.  He’s a piscine humanoid, large red fish like head, with a large crest, and gills with tendrils either side of his jaw.  He watches her as she crosses the road, and as the lights change, speeds away from view.  A few moments later a black SUV pulls up alongside her and Gwen Cooper winds down the window.
   “Excuse me, have you seen a Blowfish driving a sports car?”
     The woman points in the direction of the now disappeared sports car.  Gwen thanks her and drives on.  The woman watches them leave before muttering.
   “Bloody Torchwood!”
On the onboard computer screen an image of the Blowfish with a copy of his DNA lights up the back of the SUV.  Toshiko runs a few checks, describing the Blowfish as some kind of land fish. 
   “All I’m saying is, you are speeding and there are children.”  Gwen points out as Owen thunders the SUV through the quiet streets of Cardiff.
   “Well if children go out at midnight, they’ve got it coming!”  replies Owen unapologetically.
   “Detecting high levels of algae.” Toshiko calls from the back seat.
   “Who’s afraid of a big scary fish then?”  Gwen teases Owen.
   “It was a fish with a gun.”  Owen defends.
   “Do we need special weapons?”  Asks Ianto, tooling up.
   “Not that I can see.”  Toshiko replies.
   “But do we need special weapons?” 
   “Jack would know.”  Toshiko replies
   “Yeah well Jack’s not here is he.  Jack’s disappeared.  Fat lot of good Jack is.”  Owen replies sarcastically.
After a moment of everyone missing Jack, Gwen spots the sports car up ahead and yells: “BLOWFISH!”
   “Hold on.”  Yells Owen powering after it.  The sports car and SUV in hot pursuit take a sharp left down a short exit to the left, heading on towards a build up area.  Owen instructs Gwen to take the wheel while he angles himself out of the driver’s window to fire at the sports car.  Managing to disable the vehicle, the sports car veers off into Compton Street, where the piscine humanoid abandons the vehicle and enters a house occupied by three people.  As the SUV locates the car, it’s not until they hear shots from a nearby residence do they locate the whereabouts of their missing Blowfish.
     As they enter they hear lots of distressed voices.  A man lies on the ground, shot in the stomach, his wife and daughter are beside themselves.  As the team enter, the Blowfish holds a gun to the head of the young girl, while Gwen pulls the woman behind the outer wall to the lounge, Owen deals with the injured man, Ianto keeps his weapon trained on the Blowfish.  Toshiko monitors the readings on her hand held device. 
   “Massive levels of adrenalin, with approximately three levels of cocaine.  This fish is wired!”
   “So this is Team Torchwood,” says the Blowfish, pressing his gun against the head of the frightened young girl.  “The teacher’s pets, but the teacher has gone hasn’t he, leaving the kiddie kids all alone.  And look at you, trying to look all grown up.  The doctor with his hands full of blood, the carer with her oh so beating heart, the technician with her cold devices, which leaves me with the office boy, promoted beyond his measure.  All of you, lost without your master, all of you pretending to be so brave.  All of you so scared.  So what about it minions, would you do it?  How good are you?  How sharp is your aim?  What if you kill her?  What if I kill her first?   Can you shoot before I do?  Can you...dare you...would you...won’t you?”
     A gun fires behind Ianto sending a bullet through the skull of the piscine humanoid, killing him outright.  He drops to the ground.  Ianto confused for a moment, knowing full well he hadn’t pulled the trigger, stares at his pistol before turning around to see Captain Jack Harkness standing behind him, his weapon still drawn. 
   “Hey kids, did you miss me?”  He chuckles.

   “Are you sure nothing else came through?”  Gwen asks Toshiko back at the Hub much later.  Toshiko checks her computer data.
   “Referencing Rift activity...doesn’t look like it could.”
     Jack looks on as Gwen assumes control of the team.
   “The car’s been impounded.  I’ll get it back to the owner in the morning.”
   “I’ve the files on screen now...”
   “Ok Tosh, you add that to the species database, Ianto, can you deal with the body when it’s cold?”
   “My pleasure, unless you’re making sushi.” 
   “No, the vaults will do fine thank you.”  Gwen laughs.
   “You got pretty organised without me.”  Jack smiles, content in the knowledge that his team were able to work on without him.
   “Yeah well we had to.”  Replies Gwen.
   “Hey did you redecorate in here?”  He asks, glancing up.  Gwen gets up quickly from her chair and shoves Jack hard in the chest, knocking him backwards against the wall of his office.
   “You left us Jack!”  She yells.
   “I know, I’m sorry!”
   “We knew nothing, Jack.”
   “Where were you?”  Toshiko asks.
     After a moment’s thought Jack replies with a smile.  “I found my Doctor!”
   “Did he fix you?”  Owen asks.
   “What’s to fix? You don’t mess with this level of perfection.”  Jack laughs.
   “Are you going back to him?”  Ianto asks in a quiet voice beside the cold store.
   “I came back for you!”  Jack reassures him, then to the team: “All of you!”

Breaking the welcoming home speech, an alarm on Toshiko’s computer alerts them to Rift Activity somewhere in the city.  As the team scramble for the SUV, a red light flashes from the pocket of the dead Blowfish in the cold store, on the trolley.

On the top most level of a multi storey car park, that stands in front of the Millennium stadium and the BT building, a shimmering orange/yellow radiant glow breaks open revealing a man in a military Napoleonic uniform, sporting a Samurai sword in a back sheath, gun holsters at his waist, sporting a dirty white t-shirt in need of a dazzling white wash.  As the light fades behind him, he strides towards a noise across from him.  A man is being threatened at knife point over the back of a car.  He begs for his life, and as the uniformed man strides closer, the mugger convinces him that he will kill the scared curly haired young man. 
   “Oh see now you’ve given yourself away, only someone who says they’re bluffing ever says they’re not.” 
With a swift movement the newcomer grabs the mugger around the throat, causing him to drop his knife, and lifts him off his feet.  He dangles him over the edge of the multi storey car park, below him only concrete and death.  The mugger panics and begs the man to stop. 
   “No.”  He replies before releasing hold of the man letting him fall to his death.
   “He’s dead.”  Announces the victim of the mugging, as he glances over the edge of the car park.  Realising he could be next, begs for his life as the stranger grabs him and pins him against the wall.
   “I was never here.”  He tells the victim.  The young man nods in agreement. The stranger releases hold instructing him to go. 
     Walking away from the scene the stranger admits to being just a little bit thirsty.

Inside the busy Bar Reunion, where pretty men and women gathered, with friends or single, where drinks flowed and music played, all became silent when the stranger from the Rift, with a few presses of his vortex manipulator, decided who should stay and who should go.  It all seems civilised until two bouncers stride through from another part of the club and suggest to the stranger that they take it outside.
   “Oh did I mention I’m armed?”  He grins revealing a pair of hand guns. 
The bar empties.

At the multi storey car park, SOCO and Torchwood investigate the dead body of the mugger. 
   “Fragments of Rift energy about the neck and shoulders.” 
   “He was grabbed and pushed.” Deduces Jack.
   “It explains the residual energy cluster!”  Toshiko replies.
   “How did you ever manage without me?”  Jack smiles.
   “So there’s a killer on the loose, bi pedal or humanoid.”  Owen says.
   “No.  I’ve no other readings that suggest this!”
   “Ok, let’s get back and see what we can piece together there.”
   “Are you back in charge are you?”
   “I suppose.  I was aiming for a little power struggle, followed by some naked wrestling.”  Jack says as Gwen walks over to Andy, to allow the police to finish their job.
   “Is this another of your spooky do’s is it?”  Andy asks raising the tape to allow Gwen through.
   “Dunno yet, but I’ll let you know.”  She replies.
   “Thanks Andy, you’ve been very helpful.”  Andy adds.  “Don’t mention it Gwen.”  He continues lowering the tape.

As Jack reaches for the driver’s door to the SUV, an alarm on his VM begins to bleep.  It’s a sound he never expected to hear again. Alerting the team including Ianto who had never heard the VM bleep like that before, Jack presses a few buttons and sees an old familiar face on a hologram image projecting from his wrist strap.
   “Ok what are you doing that’s more important than me?  Anyway, you’ve probably traced the energy shift, the body, all me, sorry about the mess, bill me for the clean up.  Now drinks.  Retro link the transmission corner, that’s where I am.  Hurry up, work to do.  Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!”  The stranger gives a familiar nod to an iconic film and the message ends.

     Before the team can react, Jack is already climbing into the SUV issuing orders.
   “Stay here, don’t come after me.”
   “Who was that?”
   “Stay here.”  He insists, before driving off at speed towards the rendezvous.
   “See, he swans back in then he shuts us right out.”  Sighs Owen in despair.
   “I can track him.” Smiles Toshiko raising the hand held device as Ianto whistles for a cab.

The SUV pulls up outside Bar Reunion and Jack climbs out.  It’s been a very long time since he last saw the blast from the past.  Inside the bar, the stranger has racked up a series of shots and is slowly working through them.  He hears footsteps drawing near.  As Jack flings open the double doors, he knocks back another before getting to his feet and sizing the man up at the opposite side of the room.  He flips open his gun holsters ready.  Jack merely stands his ground, undaunted by the other man. 
     They both stride towards each other and linger for several moments before kissing with a passion, a longing, when suddenly the other man pulls away and launches his fist into Jack’s face. Jack retaliates and a fight ensues to the damage of the bar.

Toshiko receives word of a bar disturbance in the town that can only mean Jack has made contact with the person in the hologram. Unable to guess who the other man is the team can agree on one thing at least.  “It’s more fun when he’s around.”

After tearing the bar to pieces, smashing shot glasses across the bar with his face, both men scramble to their feet and draw their weapon on each other.  Bleeding from cuts to the face both keep moving, circling each other, weapons trained waiting for the other to lower first.
   “You’re putting on weight.”
   “You’re losing your hair.”
   “What are you wearing?”
   “Captain Jack Harkness, note the stripes!”
   “Captain John Hart, note the sarcasm.”
   “Hey I worked my way up through the ranks.”
   “I’ll bet the ranks were very grateful!  I need a drink.”
   “I thought you’d never ask.”

Tossing the gun on the bar, Captain John Hart lifted out a bottle of vodka to Jack and one for himself.  As Jack tore off the lid with his teeth, he couldn’t help noticing how much alcohol his friend was putting away, as if it were water.
   “So, er, how was rehab?”
   “Rehabs...plural.”  John replies wiping his mouth.
   “Drink, drugs, sex and...”
     Jack laughs.  “You went to murder rehab?”
   “Yes.  Ridiculous, the odd kill, who does it hurt?”
   “You clean now?”
   “Yeah, kicked it, really, living like a priest.”
     Jack laughs and sets down his untouched bottle.  “So how’s the time agency?”
   “You didn’t hear?  It’s been shut down.”
     Jack can’t believe it.  “You’re kidding.”
   “No, there’s only seven of us left now.”
   “It’s good to see you.  It was never the same without you.”
     Jack leans toward John, confusing him into thinking he’s leaning in for a kiss, but Jack can’t afford his past rocking up on his doorstep.
   “You need to leave, I don’t want you on my territory.”
   “What?”  John sets down his drink “Time was you couldn’t get enough of me on your territory.”  Sensing an ambush he snatches up Jack’s gun and fires a shot through the entrance double doors, and in a quicker than average shift, fires the glass out of the back door. 
   “Alright everybody out.” 
     The Torchwood team enter through both doors, their weapons trained on the gunman.  Jack holds his hands out to calm his team, not wishing a shoot out.
     John is amazed that Jack has a little team and enquires after their name, he’s a little disappointed to learn that it’s not something fancy such as Excalibur.
Jack introduces the team to John Hart, a name that appears new to Jack from their last encounter.
   “We go back.”  Jack explains to the team.
   “Excuse me, we go way back.  We were partners.”  John points out.
   “In what way?”  Ianto asks.
   “In every way.”  John teases.
   “It was two weeks.” 
   “Except that it was two weeks trapped in a time loop, so it was five years.  It was like having a wife.”
   “You were the wife.”
   “YOU were the wife.”
   “No, you were the wife.” Insists Jack.
   “Oh but I was a good wife.”
     Toshiko is taken with the stranger.  Exasperated by John’s banter, Jack wants to know what he’s doing in Cardiff.
   “I was wondering when we’d get to that.”  Captain Hart flips the cover of his VM and presses a few buttons.  Toshiko notices the similarities to Jack’s VM.
   “A little smaller.” 
      John tuts.  “But lasts much longer!  Find two Time Agents in a room together and it’s always the size of their wrist straps.”
   “Er, sorry, what’s a Time Agent?”  Owen asks, confused.
   “What, he never told you about his past?”
   “No, he hasn’t.”  Jack shoots Gwen a look. 
   “Anyway.”  John decides to save it for now.  He activates the hologram image of a cluster bomb for all to see.  “I’m working with this woman, beautiful, clever, sexy, yada yada yada, and we both get shot.  And as she’s dying, she tells me about these cluster bombs she’s been working on.”
   “I don’t like the sound of that.”  Owen says.
   “Three canisters, contents beyond toxic, swallowed up in a Rift storm.”
   “And ended up here.”  Toshiko adds.
   “Yeah, that’s the downside of your city being built on a Rift in space and time.  Now, left to their own devices that radiation will break down in these canisters and will affect your people, and they need to be neutralised.”
     Unconvinced Jack questions John.  “What do you get out of this?”
   “A dying woman’s wish.”
     Jack can smell a load of old bull.
   “Now there’s only one problem.  I don’t know where they are, hoping local knowledge might help?”  He looks to the team.
   “When we get  back to the Hub I can run a city wide scan on radiation surges, and cross reference that with Rift activity during that time span.”
   “What are you, brains and the beauty?” John flatters Toshiko.  “See together it’s an easy job.” 
     Jack steps towards his old time friend.  “We do this, you get out once it’s done, right away.”
   “Does this mean I get to see your house?”

Outside the Water Tower in the Roald Dahl Plass Captain John Hart is less than impressed.
   “You live in a sculpture? Could you be any more pretentious?”
   “Get on.”  Jack insists pointing to the slab he was currently standing on. 
   “So, your team not allowed in this way?”  John asks stepping onto the slab.
   “This is the entrance for tourists.”
   “I can remember the last time you said that.”
     The lift lowers.  John glances around the immense underground domain.
   “It’s roomy I’ll give you that.”  As the lift nears its destination he’s aware just how low underground they really are.  “Your taste in interior design hasn’t got any better, what is this, sewer chic?”
Jack steps off the lift, but as John attempts to step off, Jack places a hand against his chest.
     John dispenses with his two Tokyo Matsui pistols, onto the silver tray held out by Ianto.  He hands Jack his Samurai sword, then shrugs.
   “And the rest.”
   “Oh you know, I’m a two weapon man.”
     Unbeknown to John, Gwen is already running a scan and can tell exactly what weapons he’s still concealing.
   “One pistol strapped to each leg, a laser knife in his left elbow, several explosive charges....”  She reads off the list.  Jack takes charge of the Remington pistol with pearl handle and smirks at the size of the piece.

   “He’s a compulsive liar, why is he in the building?”  Gwen asks Jack in the corridors sometime later.
   “There’s the tiniest 1% chance he is breaking the habit of a lifetime and telling the truth, which means that this city is in danger.”  Jack tells her.
   “What did he mean about Time Agent, you’ve never mentioned it?”
   “That was in the past.”  Jack wishes to keep it that way.
   “Oh ok, here we go again.  You know everything about me Jack, why do you keep shutting me out?”
   “Here and now, that’s what’s important.  The work we do, the person I am now, that’s what I’m proud of.”
   “Then why did you desert us?  Where did you go?”  Gwen asks as Jack continues to evade the questioning.  “No come on, where did you go, tell me? Talk to me?”
     After much deliberation he tells her...something.
   “I have died so many times...been dragged back into life, like being hauled over broken glass.  I saw the end of the world.”  He tells her.
   “It doesn’t matter now, but after it was all over, I knew I belonged here.  What kept me fighting was wanting to come you.”  Jack says, stroking a hand down her arm, to her hand and over her fingers, locating a lump of metal around one particular finger.  He brings it up into view.
   “What’s this?”
   “That’s an engagement ring that is.”  Gwen feigns surprise.
   “You’re getting married?”
   “Rhys asked.”  Gwen retrieves her hand.  “When you were away.”
   “Wow.  Gwen Cooper getting married.”  Jack laughs, folding his arms suddenly.   “Down on one knee?”
   “He tried to but then he got a twinge in his back, and he had to lie on the settee, that’s when he popped the question.”
   “And you said yes?”
   “Well no-one else would have me.”  She says. 
     After a moment of realising that was aimed at him, Jack congratulates her with a lingering kiss on the cheek.  After a moment of awkward silence, he points up the corridor.  “We should get back to work.”

In the Boardroom, while John relaxes in a seat with his leg resting on the table, Toshiko relays her findings to the team.
   “Seven hours ago we logged a miner surge of Rift energy in these locations.”
   “Six locations, five of us, that’s simple.”  Says John.  “Two people per canister.”
   “Excuse me...”  Interrupts Jack.  “I give the orders.”
   “Well give some big boy.” 
   “John’s right.”  Gwen says, before pausing to ask John if he would prefer Captain to John.
   With eyes like yours, call me Vera, I won’t complain.” 
     Ianto rolls his eyes.
   “Toshiko, Owen take the North, Ianto and Jack, go west, me and Vera will take the docks.”  Gwen delegates.
   “Excuse me, not to repeat myself...”
   “Have you got a problem with this Jack?”
     All eyes rest on Jack, his authority wanes.  Smiling he looks to Gwen.  “Not at all.”
   “Now, given the canisters are radioactive, don’t open them at all.”  John instructs the team. 
     Gwen claps her hands signifying the end of the meeting and instructs the team to head off.  Jack calls her back.  John is keen to stay behind, to hear the Do’s and Don’t’s of taking John on a recovery mission.  Jack insists he waits out in the hallway.  As they watch John leave Jack is concerned that Gwen is heading into danger.
   “If I can get him talking, flirt a bit, he might drop his guard.  I can find out what he’s really up to.”  She tells Jack.
   “Yeah, clever...but dangerous, leave it to me.”
   “But I’ve looked after the team while you’ve been away and I can handle this.”  She tells him.  “He knows you too well, he’d never tell you the truth.”
     After a few moments of thought Jack looks at her authoritatively.  “Three rules. 1, Don’t believe anything he says, 2, Keep him in front of you and 3, Under no circumstances let him kiss you.”
     Shocked that Jack would even suggest that.  Out in the hallway John asks if they’ve got to the no kissing part yet.  Gwen walks to meet him and instructs him to continue ahead of her along the corridor.   “Keep in front!”

Out at the Docks, it’s a merry search for a canister in a long line of two high ship containers.  John confesses it could take them days to locate it.  Gwen decides to ask about the woman John had mentioned back at Bar Reunion, but he’s not keen to talk about her, nor who the killer was. 
     As John pulls open another container, Gwen’s phone rings.  It’s Rhys, he’s got the job at Harwoods.  Over the moon he hopes she’ll be home soon, but Gwen tells him it’s likely to be another all nighter, but that she’s proud of him.  John fools around making out he and Gwen are doing more than working together, which for a second gives Rhys something to worry about, but after Gwen settles his jealousy down, tells him to go to bed and she’ll be home soon.
     Turning her back on John for a mere second is long enough for the Time Agent to disappear.  Although Gwen calls out his name there’s no sign of him.  But he’s not far away and with her back turned, he surprises her and stares down the barrel of her pistol as she turns, somewhat jumpy.
   “Keep in front of me okay?”  She insists, putting the gun away.
   “God, you’re so mistrusting.”  John tells her.  “But with your boss, it’s probably wise.”
   “Yeah well I trust him just fine thank you.”
   “Once a conman always a conman.”  John tells her.
   “What do you mean by that?”  She asks shining her torch in John’s face.
   “Just don’t rely on him Gwen.  There’s a lot about him you don’t know.”  John pulls open another container.  “Fancy a peek?”  He asks.  Gwen shines her torch inside and spies the canister.  She strides towards it closely followed by John.  As she snatches it up John savagely pushes her against the side of the unit.  Taken aback by the sudden aggression, she’s further surprised when John kisses her hard.  Although Gwen pushes him away, the effects of the paralysing lip gloss begin to take effect.  She is unable to move, to speak or to react to any situation. 
     Taking Gwen’s phone and retrieving the canister he tells her that it was likely Jack that taught him the trick with the lip gloss.  On exiting the container John tells her that Jack won’t stay.  “He and I shared something.”

Over in an overly cluttered old hangar Toshiko and Owen search for the second canister.  The light switch doesn’t work.  Owen reacts to it sarcastically.  “No, cos that would only be helpful.”  He sighs at the length of the search they have to undertake.  “What are we doing with our lives Tosh?”
   “I know, we should be out having fun.  Bet you’d normally be out on the pull at this time of night?”  Toshiko asks while shining her torch along the rows upon rows of shelves.
   “Nah, bollocks to that Tosh, talk about diminishing returns.”
   “I’m not with you!”
   “Well, you know, I’ve done all that haven’t I, and where did it get me? No, you know, I want a proper woman, you know.  Someone I’ve got something in common with.  Yeah? Have you got anyone on the horizon?”  He asks Tosh while he scans the shelves in torchlight.
   “Like you say, difficult to find anyone I have anything in common with, with the things we see...”
   “You beauty.”  Owen suddenly announces locating the canister on a top shelf.  He climbs up onto the metal shelving and takes hold of it.  “Job done.”  As he’s about to climb down he hears a voice behind him. 
   “Good work team.”
     Toshiko turns in alarm to see John striding towards her, she sees no Gwen and fumbles for her weapon.  John is upon her in seconds and headbutts her in the face, knocking her to the ground dazed.  He pulls a gun on Owen instructing him to lower his weapon.  As he does so, Owen comms the team, but as John points out that he muted the device with his nifty VM, there’s nothing Owen can do but to do as he’s told. 
     Pulling a cricket bat from a shelf, John asks whether Owen would like the efficiency of a gun to the brutality of wood.  Given that neither were a comfortable option, Owen insisted John just got on with it. 
     John pulls the trigger.

In a plush office suite, Captain Jack Harkness enters through the double doors and inhales that sweet office aroma.  Ianto on the other hand has no such feeling for such places, having worked in similar in his days with Torchwood One. 
   “Oh yeah, that office feel.  I get excited in these places.  To me they’re exotic.  Office romances.  Photocopying your butt, although maybe not your butt, although as we’re here...”
   “The Rift at these co-ordinates, approximately two hundred feet above ground...”  Ianto cut in.  “That means this floor or the roof.”  Ianto continues his search of the canister, opening drawers and checking under desks.
   “How are you Ianto?”  Jack asks finally.
   “All the better for having you back, sir.”
   “Can we maybe drop the sir now?  When I was away I was thinking, you know, when this is all done...dinner?  A movie?” 
   “Are you asking me out on a date?”  Ianto asks, hands on hips.
   “Interested?”  Jack hopes.
   “Ah, well...”  Ianto coughs.  “As long as it’s not in an office.  Some fetishes should be kept to yourself.”
     As Ianto goes on searching, Jack can see a long night ahead.  Ianto suggests that they split up, preferring the warmth of the office and having the ability of knowing his way around one, ianto opts to stay indoors, and insists Jack goes to the roof.  “You’re good on roofs.”  But as Jack heads towards the exit Ianto calls after him, enquiring as to why they’re all helping John with this task.  Not wishing to elaborate too much about John, Jack tells Ianto that he’s a part of his past, and that by helping him, he will hopefully be gone a lot quicker. 
     As Ianto returns to the search, Jack wishes confirmation of the date.  Smiling with the response, he heads on up to the roof. 

It’s a long search and after a while Ianto hears the ping of the elevator doors slide open.  It’s unusual for anyone to be in and curiosity piqued, he removes his piece and edges carefully out onto the landing and towards the open door of the elevator.  Nobody is there, but Ianto is far from alone. 
     A cold metal barrel presses itself against the back of his head.
   “Into the lift Eye Candy.”  It’s John.  “Your friends are bleeding, dying, and you barely have enough time to save them.”
     Ianto presses his comms but they’re dead.
   “What am I, a child? It’s a primitive bit of technology, easily blocked.  You should be embarrassed.  When you get to the bottom, run.  You look like a man who enjoys a challenge.  See if you can save them.  Come back up here, I’ll shoot on sight.” 
   ‘Going Down’ speaks the voice of the elevator.
   “Yes please.”  Smiles John, but Ianto, angry, but not wholly surprised by this stranger from Jack’s past, prevents the doors from closing and demands to know why John is doing this.
   “We’re a cosmic joke, Eye Candy.  An accident of chemicals and evolution.  The jokes, the sex, just cover the fact that nothing means anything.  And the only consolation is money.  So run, Ianto Jones.” 
The lift doors finally close and Ianto can do nothing but pray that his fellow team mates are not as bad as Hart makes out.
      Up on the roof Captain Jack locates the final canister and bends over to retrieve it. 
   “Rear of the Year, 5094.  Still looking good.”  John says taking Jack’s phone from him as it rings, and tossing it away.  “Cute boy, ringing to warn you about me.  Canister!”  He demands.
   “If you’ve harmed them in any way.”  Jack growls.
   “Just give it here.”
   “Radiation cluster bombs, really?”  Jack asks incredulously.
   “Let’s not get hung up on details.”
   “Little embarrassing that you needed help to find them.”
   “A little humiliating you fell for the scam.  Your dolly birds did all my legwork.”
   “Is that what you wanted?” 
   “What I want is for you to come to your senses.  Join me, Jack.  Back in the old routine.  We’d be emperors.  How can you stay tied to one planet when there’s thousands of worlds, sparkling with wonder?  We should be up there, among the stars, claiming them for our own.  Just like before.”
   “I can’t.”
   “Why not, what the hell is there to keep you here?  Come on, the glitter of the galaxy...the mischief we could make.”  Pleads John.
   “You know you never really mastered that temptation spiel.”
   “It’s not spiel, it’s fact.” 
   “Move on.  Here I am, in a new life and you’re still churning out the same old tunes.  And sorry, but they don’t play as well, now you’re looking a little older and what are they, wrinkles around your eyes?”  Jack points out.
   “Laugh lines.”
   “Oh hell of a good joke.”
   “It’s you I’m laughing at.  Canister!”  John demands, his patience waning.
     Jack tosses it over his shoulder, and over the edge of the building.  “Whoops.”  He laughs.  John glares and stepping closer shoves Jack hard, toppling him off the building and to his death many floors below.

Unable to contact Gwen despite her phone ringing out into the darkness, he heads towards the warehouse, where Owen is dealing with his gunshot wound.  Toshiko can’t understand why Hart didn’t just kill them, but as Owen tells her: “He got what he wanted.”
     Toshiko hears Ianto calling from an outer room and replies to his distressed calls.

Outside the office building Captain John Hart discovers not only the canister but also the dead Captain, his back arched over two benches back to back.  It’s evident that Hart regrets his actions but with the three canisters in his possession, the front door key in the shape of Jack’s VM, he has no time to lose.  

At the docks the team can see just how difficult this task could be.  They call her phone again and locate it but no sign of Gwen.  Toshiko has a plan. 
   “If Gwen used the phone here, I can use the network to triangulate the location where she answered her last call.”  After a few moments she locates it.  “This is where she made the call.  Open every container door.”  She instructs.  Eventually they locate Gwen, but it doesn’t look good.
   “She’s still breathing, no discernible injuries.”  Owen replies checking her over.  “Tosh, let’s get this thing started.  Ianto, take a swab.  “Right pupils dilating, she’s still conscious.  Stay with us darling.” 
     Using the laptop Toshiko discovers Hart poisoned Gwen.  Owen casts a glance at Ianto.  “Anti-toxin kit now!”  Shining light in Gwen’s eyes, he tells her to hold on. 

In the Hub, in the Autopsy room, John has opened the canisters and puts the final one together.  Retrieving the flashing light from the pocket of the Blowfish still lying on the slab, he returns to the table where the lower half of the triangle requires the flashing pyramid in his hand.  It takes careful precision.  Just as he’s about to place the two together, a series of guns cocking behind him draws his attention away from the table.  Gwen, Owen, Ianto and Toshiko have their weapons trained on Captain John Hart.
   “Maybe you didn’t realise.  You can beat, shoot, threaten and even poison us, and we keep coming back, stronger every time.”  Says Gwen bitterly disgusted at man below them.
   “Well I think you ought to know, your boss is splayed out on the...”  John’s voice trails off when Captain Jack Harkness steps into the room and rests his foot against the railing at the top of the stairs.  He can’t believe it.  It’s just possible.  “...pavement.  Now that’s impressive.  Seriously, you can earn a fortune in the Vegas galaxies with an act like that.  Go on, how’s it work?”
   “I can’t die.”  Jack tells him,
   “No but really...”
   “No but really, you can’t kill me.  No matter how many times you try.  I can’t die.  Ever!”  Jack replies.  There’s a silence in the room.  Jack moves between his team and descends the stairs towards John.
   “But what does it cost you? Every time you have to drag yourself back here, how does it feel?  All that pain and trauma.  Plus, you’re reborn into this godforsaken mess, I pity you.”
   “These people.  This planet.  All the beauty you could never see.  That’s what I come back for.”  Jack replies glaring at John.
   “Well goody on you.”
   “What’s in the canisters?”  Gwen calls from the top of the stairs.
   “It’s come clean time Captain.”  Owen calls
   “Yeah, alright.  That woman I told you about, had herself an Arcadian diamond, the rarest gem in the Damascene Cluster.  Just when I’d got my hands on her, she only generates her own personal rift storm.  God I hate technological geniuses.”
   “You said this was a dying woman’s wish.”  Toshiko reminds him.
   “Yeah, she was dying.  I shot her.  I thought my luck had changed when I found it.  It ended up here.”  John considers his options.  There’s still a chance he can come away with something.  “So I’m thinking 50/50? Even split, good deal.  Or if anyone fancies an orgy?”
     Ianto rolls his eyes but considers this a moment before keeping his weapon raised.

Seated in his office, the team and John the other side of the desk, Jack as curious as John as to what happens when the two parts are joined, instructs John to open it.
   “This should give us the location of the diamond.”  He says as the two pieces are joined.  A hologram image appears on the table of a dark woman in a long gown.  John smiles.  There she is.”
   “The woman you murdered.”  Gwen says, eyes on the woman.
   “You’ve travelled several galaxies for this.  Well done.”  She smiles.  John smiles back, with glee. 
   “Thank you gorgeous.”
   “Except...there’s no diamond.”
   “Only this.”  An object appears from the container and hovers in the air while the team watch.
   “No, no no, no, no no no no no....there’s got to be a’s all about the diamond!  What the hell is tha...
     Suddenly the tables are turned, the device locates John Hart as the woman continues to talk, informing him that it’s an explosive device, latching onto the DNA of whoever killed her.  “It’ll detonate in ten minutes.”  She informs him.  Ianto readies the stopwatch in his hand.
   “See you in hell!”
   “She can’t be serious.  Ten minutes!!!”
   “Get it off me.”  John demands, panic stricken.
   “Actually, nine minutes, 50, 49, 48...Always at the ready!”  Ianto replies counting down with some urgency.
   “Okay, how big is this explosion likely to be Jack?”  Gwen asks.
   “That technology, that size...big!” 
   “So we should really get him out of the city.”  Owen considers.
   “Nine minutes thirty seven...” Ianto continues to count down.
   “You’ve got to help me!  Please.”  John begs.
     Jack leans forward.  “Why?”
     In an instant John punches Jack hard in the face knocking him back and takes Gwen hostage, using her as a human shield.  The room becomes loud with everyone shouting to be heard.
   “Let her go.”  Owen insists but to no avail. 
   “Back, get back!”  Hart insists. 
   “Jack help me.”  Gwen bleats. 
     In a deft movement, John manages to slip on a pair of cuffs keeping both him and Gwen very much together, securing their fate.
   “What have you done?”  Gasps Gwen.
   “It’s hyper steel, impermeable, deadlock seal.  No way to undo them.  Unless you have this key.”  He replies, promptly popping it in his mouth and assuming to swallow it. 
   “You are unbelievable.”
   “And yet, you still find me strangely attractive.”  He says to her, before returning his attention to the rest of the team, all aiming their firearms at him.  “Now you had better find a solution pronto or she’ll be blown up with me!
   “Would shooting him stop the DNA trigger?”  Owen muses.
   “No.”  Jack replies.
     As Ianto continues to count down, Gwen remembers a program Toshiko was working on.
   “The Rift predictor program, have you perfected it yet?”
   “Pretty much.”
   “Anything in the next few minutes?”
     As Jack realises what Gwen is planning he flatly refuses to allow it, but time is working against them, and if it saves the city, Gwen will do it. 
   “The car park where he arrived, the crack in the Rift is still active up there.”  Toshiko replies.
        As the team embark on the journey to the car park, Owen pulls Jack back.  He has a plan that might just work and save Gwen as well as the city.  Pulling the bloods from the Autopsy fridge, he gathers the small phials and with Jack’s help pours a little of each into one phial and mixes it together. 

With Gwen driving, and Hart in the passenger seat, with Toshiko and Ianto riding in the back, the SUV thunders towards the multi storey car park.  It’s daylight.
The city streets are full of people who take Hart’s fancy.
   “Don’t you ever stop?”
   “What, five minutes to live, you want me to behave? Oh that’s gorgeous.”
   “That’s a poodle.”
   “That’s nice.”  He growls savagely.

Armed and ready to leave, Jack hopes Owen’s plan will work.
   “Trust me, I’m an improviser.”

With only seconds to spare as they reach the car park, Gwen pulls Hart towards the Rift signature still active. 
As the time steadily ticks down to zero, it seems almost impossible that Jack or Owen will make it on time. But as Gwen can’t see any other way, she looks towards Toshiko to pass a message to Jack, if only she could bring herself to say it. 
The sports car once driven by the Blowfish squeals to a halt.  Jack jumps from the driver’s door carrying something in his hand.  He launches himself at John knocking him to his feet and stabs the syringe into his chest, injecting the full phial of mixed blood into his heart.  For a few moments nothing happens.  All seems lost. 
     Gwen can’t wait any longer; time is well and truly running out.  “I’ve gotta go Jack.”  She tells him.  Jack pulls John to his feet as the device dislodges itself from his shirt and falls to the ground.  With only five seconds remaining, Jack picks up the device and skims it into the shaft of light from the rift. 
Jack instructs them to run for cover and as they turn to run for safety a huge explosion rips through the rift energy, throwing them all of their feet. 

     Suddenly the brilliant sunlight is replaced by darkness.  It takes a few moments to realise what just occurred. 
   “The Rift’s reverted to the moment he came through.  Everything’s jumped back to the beginning of the night.”
   “Like you were never here.”
   “Now we’ve got to avoid ourselves...great.”  Scowls Jack.
   “It’s a temporal displacement!  Makes your tongue tingle doesn’t it?  Lovely.”  Says John.
   “What was in the syringe?”  Gwen eventually asks.
   “Torchwood DNA!”  replies Owen.  “DNA samples from the five of us, fused and injected into his heart.  Temporarily corrupted his DNA, confused the disk.”
   “You mean, there’s a bit of all of you inside of me?  Sweet goddesses, that’s all I need.”
     Gwen thanked Owen for saving not only her life.  Now all they had to do was work out how to remove the cuffs.  John Hart had one last trick up his sleeve, or throat. 
     Making a few gagging noises, he retrieved the key.  “Old Artesian trick.  Keep it in the lining of the throat.  Has a lot of uses.”
   “You had that all along?” 
   “You were my passport to survival.  No hard feelings.  Well, not in that sense.”
     Released from her bonds with John, she pulled back and punched him hard in the face, knocking him over. 
   “Remind me never to get on your bad side.”  Says Ianto.
     Laughter over, Jack clears his throat and holds his hand out for his VM.  “Definitely bigger.”  He replies strapping it back on his wrist.

It’s time to go and John, despite his keenness to leave, offers his services as a new team member, but Jack doesn’t want John on his patch a moment longer, too much of a liability.
   “No.  Go now and you can harness the residual rift energy.”  He offers him.
   “OK.”  Hart kisses Jack one last time but it’s not reciprocated.  He pats him on the chest before heading towards the rift opening.  Before the orange glow consumes him, he turns to face Jack and the team “Oh by the way...I meant to tell you...I found Gray.”
     Jack stares in shock as a fleeting memory comes to mind of two hands suddenly letting go.  When Gwen enquires after the name, Jack once again refuses to open up. 
   “It’s nothing.”  After a moment’s pause, he instructs the team that it’s time to get back to work.

Next month Sleeper.




  1. That's a pretty cool episode - really love it - well, if that stupid cow Gwen wasn't that annoying. My least favourite moment: her staring at Jack with cow eyes, like begging, "oh please, marry me!"., certainly not! Funniest moment: Gwen saying "I led the team when you were away"...well, again, just: no, you didn't! That ignorant, stupid person probably just bragged around and lectured everyone with her ignorance, imagining to "lead" the team, while the other worked their asses off to keep Torchwood running. She just can't have led the team, as she obviously is too stupid to know what UNIT is - which she admits in "Reset". Boy, that woman is a pain in Torchwood's ass. Still, I like this ep, despite her...oh and btw, it contains another nice opportunity to get rid of her with that poison John uses on her...sigh...if only. :)

    1. Oh Claudia, you really love Gwen don't you? Hehe! I do love Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, there are a lot of great quotes in this, Jack regaining his command over the team by also swanning off and leaving them to make their own way back to the Hub, which you know that they won't. And James Marsters, who wouldn't want Marsters in an episode, and so like Spike!